Tag: life

About Me

Christmas Shopping

Autumn

It’s my tradition to take the kids out for some one-on-one Christmas shopping. It’s a rare occasion when I get to focus on just one child at a time, so the trips are quite special to me.

Naturally I can’t stand the crowds or the traffic that come with the Christmas season, so I always aim to get it done in early December, during the week and before noon. You know, when the people who have jobs are working, those who don’t haven’t gotten out of the house yet, so my main companions are sweet old ladies looking for presents for their grandbabies. Yep, those are my people.

As a side note, in elementary school I used to spend summer vacation practicing embroidery while watching Matlock, so my husband likes to tease that I’ve always been a little old lady at heart. I also climbed plenty of trees and played with plenty of dolls, but that retiring aspect has always been a part of me.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter how many times you explain to a three-year-old that we’re shopping for others and not ourselves, they will inevitably shout something like, “Mom you’re stupid!” when you leave without purchasing at least one of those super mega awesome toys that they wanted for themselves. It always makes me laugh when they do. Those moments of disappointment can be so big and overwhelming when you’re still so little, and childhood is precious. I don’t take it personally — I try to help them constructively phrase their emotions instead. No biggie if it fails, because sometimes you just gotta be upset for awhile, and that’s okay too.

Hopefully, my children are learning that giving to those you love is just as important as receiving, and to do their best to get something that the other person would actually enjoy instead of being lazy about it. Maybe 60 years from now, they’ll be the sort to go out on a Tuesday morning to buy toys for their grandbabies.

But don’t go thinking that I’m some sort of sainted angel. I also make sure that my husband takes the kids out Christmas shopping for me too, because motherhood shouldn’t be all self-sacrifice and nothing else. With how much I bust my butt to make Christmas special, I earn those earrings and scented candles.

About Writing

Female Characters

Autumn

Female characters tend to kill novels for me.

I think there was a convention some years ago, during which it was decided that there was only one acceptable personality type for all women forever, and it was to be: “independent and feisty.”

So it doesn’t really matter what genre you pick up, the main female character will inevitably be “independent and feisty.” And just like all the others, she’ll insist that she isn’t anything like all of the others. Dunning-Kruger.

And in a giant sea of endless independence and feisty-ness, the attributes lose all meaning and deteriorate down to a simple, “Wow, she’s a bitch.”

There wouldn’t be anything wrong with “feisty” if one also regularly came across female protagonists that were shy, compassionate, bitter, fanciful, neurotic, etc. Maybe I’m just too avant garde or something, but I really don’t think that women should all be pigeon-holed into one or two word descriptions. Female characters are capable of being more than the “independent and feisty” stereotype. Aren’t we supposed to be breaking out of stereotypes? So why is this one so deeply entrenched in fiction? Where’s the individuality in writing the same characters that everyone else is writing?

But every time I skim through a new book with the thought, “Maybe I’ll enjoy reading this one,” the monotony of endless repetition in female personalities inevitably makes me pass. I want to read about characters who are different; I can go out into the real world if I want conformity and sameness.

About Me

December

Autumn

It’s December.

I love Christmas. I love having the kids make ornaments to add to our mishmash of a tree; decorating gingerbread houses with royal icing and a huge assortment of candies; and, of course, the traditional cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.

It’s also my tradition to sew matching clothes for all of the kids, so December is a very active month for me.

My morning sickness is lingering longer than I had anticipated, which has put me behind schedule with my sewing. I know, Pinterest is chock full of “Easy One-hour” patterns, so for the uninitiated it probably looks like sewing is No Big Deal and that I should have plenty of time. And yeah, sure, I could cut some rectangles, tie some ribbon, and have a three blocky dresses made lickety-split. However, I am not an “Easy One-hour” sort of person. Skirts should be twirly, and a few rhinestones to accent hand-embroidery never hurt anything. By the time I finish doing all of those little touches, 10 hours for one dress is pretty good time.

And I still haven’t quite made up my mind about what I’m going to make for my son. He likes dinosaurs, robots, and randomly punching things, so he’s going to want something completely different from his sisters.

Anyway, I’m not trying to stress out here or anything. All told, I really love the mad rush of projects that come with preparing for Christmas, and find it more exhilarating than anything else. I’m more worried that I won’t be able to indulge to my heart’s content, being pregnant and whatnot.

Oh well. It will all work out in the end. Always does.

About Me

YouTube Kids

Autumn

I don’t let my kids watch YouTube.

I used to.

Once upon a time I had a three-year-old who liked to let herself out the front door and go on grand adventures down the street, until her panicked mom came running to find her. Those “baby proofing” door handles didn’t cut it, and I needed to keep her occupied so I could shower or wash the dishes. Enter YouTube.

I found a bunch of children’s music videos that I thought were cute, so I pulled them up whenever I needed turn my back for a few minutes. It didn’t take her very long to figure out how to navigate to other videos, and before I knew it “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” had turned into overly-hyper people playing Roblox.

I let it be for awhile. It wasn’t until the kids started finding Elsa x Spiderman videos that I started to feel uncomfortable, especially the ones that featured “pregnant Elsa.” Something about them really didn’t sit well with me, so I stepped in and put an end to it. I mandated that the kids were only allowed to watch YouTube as long as I was there with them, and they had to get my permission before they clicked on a video.

Shortly afterwards, I learned that a number of those Elsa x Spiderman videos were being used to imitate porn and other questionable activities. That further solidified my decision to never let them watch anything unsupervised. (See Elsagate)

Thankfully, by this point my daughter had stopped letting herself out of the house, so that little problem had become a non-issue and I could shower in peace.

However, the more I watched YouTube with them, the more intense my anxiety about it grew. To top it off, the kids were turning into materialistic little snots, and I was growing tired of constantly explaining to them why we were never going to buy them any of the toys they saw on YouTube. I felt that I was becoming a paranoid nervous wreck, so I eventually declared that the kids were only allowed to watch one channel.

As time went by, I realized that the children were much better behaved when they didn’t spend any time at all on YouTube. They slept better, fought less, and listened more. My husband and I decided to block YouTube entirely on our main computer, and our children settled down into manageable little monsters instead of psychotic tyrants.

I’m a crazy strict mom amongst my peers for it, but that decision has improved our lives. I strongly believe that it would benefit most families if they “unplugged” more and started interacting with each other and the real world instead of being constantly glued to the Internet. We need to teach our children how to fully engage with life, instead of dealing with parenting issues the easy way. I had to learn that through experience, but I’m glad I figured it out.

About Me

Slow movement

Autumn

I was first exposed to the “Slow movement” through sewing, when I skimmed through a book that was all about stitching by hand because of aforementioned movement. Hilariously, the author also advised using knit fabrics instead of woven, and I was all like, “NOOO WAAAY,” and put the book back down.

Now that I’ve lost you . . . Lol.

Basically, I don’t align myself with any movements, because I strongly feel that it’s putting my identity second to whatever ideals the “leaders” of the movement promote, irregardless of whether or not they actually fit with my individual lifestyle/circumstances. In other words, “labels label me not.”

Now that you REALLY don’t have a clue what’s going on . . . LAWL.

ANYwho, the Slow movement is the counter swing to the break-neck pace of modern society. It’s savoring the process of cooking instead of going to the microwave. It’s having a timeless wardrobe of well-made garments, instead of getting an entirely new set of clothes every season. It’s giving yourself time to do whatever suits your whim in the moment, instead of scheduling every second of every day. It’s “stopping to smell the roses,” so to speak.

It’s also how I have naturally lived my life.

And it’s a major reason why I don’t fit in with my peers.

I’ve learned that there is exactly as much (or as little) time as you make for yourself. It’s one of those “secrets of the Universe” sorts of things. The result is that I get A LOT done, and all my peers think that I’m privileged/lazy. My secret? I enjoy the journey.

I have no clue what exactly it is that everyone else spends all day doing, but I have observed two major differences between myself and others:

1) I don’t use social media. When I first quit Facebook, I would crochet every time I felt the urge to check the site. It was eye-opening, because while I was a “lite” user compared to everyone else I know, I was completing crochet projects at a surprising pace. And I only used one site.

Even with blogging, I don’t put any effort into networking or promoting myself. My “traffic” is “growing” at a snail’s pace, but who cares? I barely check the stats anyway, because it’s not like I hinged my self-worth on it or anything.

2) I’m at home most of the time. This one is a pretty big difference, since NONE of my neighborhood peers spend time at home. I have often sat outside and watched them come and go as fast as possible, with all of their group meetings, lessons, memberships, and free lance jobs to keep up with. The kicker is that they don’t realize that it’s a choice that they are making every single day. Trust me, Jimmy doesn’t need ballet and tuba lessons at three-years-old, and you don’t need to buy memberships for every children’s activity in a 20-mile radius. Chill out and let them play in the mud in the backyard — kids like doing stuff like that.

And no, I don’t neglect my own kids so I can run off and sew or whatever. My one-year-old might as well be glued to me, because I am very much not allowed to sneeze without her accompaniment. I actually keep a drawer with markers and paper in my atelier, and the kids help themselves to it whenever I’m at the sewing machine. We’ve learned how to coexist peacefully.

So, anyway, I guess my ultimate point is this: What the heck is up with that Instant Pot thing, and why is it so popular? I can’t imagine it producing the same complexity and depth of flavors as a slow-cooker, but it’s not like it takes any less prep time.

About Writing

Pet Peeve

Autumn

A couple years ago I read Petals on the Wind by V. C. Andrews. I confess that her first book, Flowers in the Attic, is something of a morbid fascination for me, but the sequel was … excessive.

SPOILER: Every man the main character sleeps with conveniently dies at the perfect moment.

I suppose that there was something of a generation gap going on as well, because the incest didn’t bother me at all (it was the only relationship that was actually built on genuine emotional connection), but the pedophilia was extremely disturbing — especially because it was a contributing factor to one of the characters committing suicide — yet all the other characters were like, “Lol, whatev’s.”

ANYway, part of the way through the book the main character has a baby and is left as a single mother, because, you know, every man she sleeps with dies. In her determination to prove her independence, she gets a job and has her younger sister move in with her for daily babysitting.

Then her sister commits suicide and she finds another man to sleep with. All of those normally time consuming things like toddlers and work fade into the background so she can go catting around instead. Childcare and paying the bills? Pshaw! No where near as important as those sex scenes.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves in fiction: when activities that normally require massive amounts of time in the real world are completely ignored with no explanations.

Children in particular are often used as handy little props that disappear when they aren’t required, and as a mom, I find this irksome. In the real world, they are always there, calling for you, following you everywhere you go, watching you poop. Whenever you realize the room is unnaturally quiet, you panic and start yelling for them. THAT is the true nature of children.

As for jobs … it sure would be a fantasy if my husband could take time off whenever the whim struck him, but that would probably get him fired fairly quick. Work takes up enormous amounts of time and energy, and it’s necessary for things like food and shelter. You can’t just decide that you’re bored of it and not suffer any consequences.

Which is why it annoys me so much when fictional characters have it unrealistically easy for no reason — other than those juicy sex scenes I guess.

About Me

Spaghetti

Autumn

When I properly get my appetite back, the first thing I’m going to make is spaghetti.

MY spaghetti.

Start with ground beef in a large pot, then throw in lots of onion and garlic, and cook it together. Keep all the fat. Add diced tomatoes and tomato paste. Oregano, basil, a touch of curry, brown sugar, and any other spices that sound good at the time. Bring to a simmer.

Add mushrooms. After they are fully cooked, throw in a sinful amount of mozzarella cheese. Stir in when completely melted.

Go easy on the noodles and don’t make too much. The sauce is meant to be super thick.

So hearty. So delicious. So forbidden by every fad diet. I love it.

But alas, most foods still make me gag, so all I can do is dream.

About Me

Art

Autumn

I like to trash my art skills, but the truth is, I used to do an enormous amount of drawing.

I got a Wacom tablet as a teenager, and spent hours and hours in Corel Photo-Paint, learning the ins and outs of how creating art on the computer — I even won an award for it during my Senior year of high school. All told, I wasn’t really that bad. I had that Wacom tablet for years, until my cat tried to get into my desktop fish tank and killed it with a good soaking of water.

One of my relatives gave me her old set of Prismacolor pencils for Christmas, and I started exploring different techniques of coloring, growing to favor heavy blending. Naturally from there, I stepped into watercolor painting.

But, as it is often put so eloquently, shit happens.

Resuming “being yourself” after trauma is a process, and it takes a lot time. I started with sewing and crochet, learned how to knit and cook-with-passion, and made several ventures into writing before I was ready to commit myself to the craft once again, but art never grew to be anything more than the occasional silly doodle. Every time I thought about it, I felt strained at the time it would take to practice, practice, practice. I just didn’t want to draw the same thing over and over and over, when I had so many other things to do.

Besides, there are lots of amazing artists out there that I enjoy, who do things that I never would have thought of. I had always been frustrated with how limited my imagination was when it came to drawing, even as a teenager. So, I let that part of me go, at peace with the idea that it would never return.

Every now and then, I see something that makes me ache to start drawing again, and it’s been happening a lot lately. Things like watching Bernadette Banner create fashion portraits, or marveling at how beautiful Hollow Knight is. I’ve started thinking that I could start drawing again.

I’m at that part of pregnancy where I’m dead tired of watching movies and endlessly playing video games, but my low blood pressure won’t permit the up-and-down of sewing, my morning sickness protests at the back-and-forth of cooking  (I wouldn’t be able to eat much anyway), and I’m far too forgetful to hold a story in my head. How long does the first trimester last? Eternity.

Anyway, drawing would be something for my hyperactive brain to play with. I could get my husband to dig out my old reference books from the basement, dust off my mad skillz, and fight the kids for the computer. I can always start with character portraits for my latest novel, to keep it active in my mind as I slog my way through the latter half of the first trimester.

Now that I’ve written all this, watch something come up that prevents me from following through, lol. Life is far too often like that for me.

About Me

Happy Halloween!

Autumn

Happy Halloween!

My husband surprised me with Luigi’s Mansion, because I’m kinda a huge Nintendo fangirl, lol.

My goal is to make it around at least one block Trick-or-Treating without fainting or throwing up. Unfortunately, all of the Halloween celebrations happen after my good hours are over, but because I spent an entire year planning out my brilliant costume, I don’t want to sit at home alone. It would be horrendously depressing.

We carved pumpkins yesterday afternoon. Usually we do that on Halloween to keep the kids entertained while they have to wait an eternity for evening to come, but I’m trying to be mindful of my energy reserves and not over-do it. I even went to bed early last night in preparation.

Samhain starts after sundown, but I’m not optimistic about that one at all. Lets just say that I’m previously engaged in an even higher ritual that will take several more months to culminate.

Short update, lol.

About Me

Surprise

Autumn

Early signs of pregnancy:

  • You go somewhere public and think, “Wow! There are a lot of newborns here.”
  • The kids start talking about wanting a new sibling.
  • Someone you know announces their pregnancy.

And thus, it was fate.

I have a harder time with thinking during pregnancy, and at the moment I’m drawing a complete blank on anything to blog about. Other than the obvious, anyway. I have decided that I might as well start keeping a journal for the next year, rather than vanish completely off the internet and leave everyone wondering, “Whatever happened to that crazy writer person? Wasn’t she supposed to be working on a novel?”

So

My first three pregnancies went smoothly enough, but baby #4 hit me with such awful morning sickness (more like all-day-and-occasionally-in-the-middle-of-the-night sickness)  that it caused me to lose weight and struggle enormously with dehydration during the first trimester. I’m absolutely terrified of repeating that experience, especially with my favorite holiday right around the corner.

So far, so good — knock on wood — but it’s still early enough that I could be in for anything during the upcoming weeks. Dinner is starting to consist of things like “buttered rice with corn,” and “stuffing, with cheesecake.” I’m sure my family already misses my usual cooking, but I’m not feeling it with most foods. Or flavors.

As for my novel: I’m 2/3rds of the way through with the rewrite. I had made it my personal goal to finish this step by the end of September (premonition? lol), but instead I got distracted with The Scion Suit and a number of real life activities. I still plan on finishing it completely within the next six months.

With any luck, “pregnancy brain” won’t kill my ability to write, lol.