About Me

Slacker

I’ve been such a slacker lately.

I actually do have a reason for it, which I am keeping personal for the time being. I will say that the echoes between this year and 2011 are rather eerie.

When I decide I’ve had enough of being a hermit, I plan on re-releasing The Black Magus on Smashwords. I’m also undecided about whether I should put The Scion Suit on the back burner for awhile, or push ahead with finishing it. Though come to think of it, I’ve never put a project on hold before, so that probably answers that question. Besides, writing Hartmann should be fun, with him being so cavalier.

Once that’s finished, I’m going to start the sequel for BOTH The Black Magus and Alice and the Warden. A series of cheesy and highly contrived events cause Hackett and Ainmire to cross paths, and they form an everlasting friendship based on their mutual proclivity for younger women. LMAO.

Or something like that.

I never take myself too seriously.

Anyway, I also need to finish transcribing the Miranda and the Convict letters, which I have been procrastinating on horribly. Stuff to do, and all that jazz.

Not to mention, it’s that time of year for baking apple rolls and pumpkin cookies.

About Me

Update

I’ve decided that I need to stop keeping an eye on trends, considering the increasing number of things that are physically painful to know about. Honestly, the sort of terminology that is popular on the internet makes me want to say, “Uh huh. And did you come up with that before or after you ate Tide pods?”

No one with any intelligence or dignity would apply those sorts of words to themselves as a label. Ever.

Then again, I think that quite frequently when I go to the grocery store and see what people are wearing these days. A main characteristic of modern life is how far are you willing to degrade yourself to fit in. I’ve come to the conclusion that the majority of people don’t have any limits.

And I don’t want to know about it.

I’ve also decided that there are some IRL people that I need to cut out of my life entirely. The situation is getting too fucked up and exploitative, so it needs to end. Not to mention, after a year and a half of no contact, I found myself simultaneously thinking, “Were they always this bad?” and, “I did not miss this!” So I have to work my way through the guilt of being a cold-hearted bitch, simply because I don’t want to be treated unfairly anymore.

In other recent events, there’s nothing quite like watching a building burn down to remember how meaningless and insubstantial materialism is. Everything can be lost in under an hour. Everything. So instead of wasting my time on empty pursuits, I’ve been playing Jingle Bells on the piano while the children dance and sing.

Memories last longer.

About Me

Musing

The other day I was musing over how all of the creative sorts that I used to follow back in the day all dropped off the face of the planet, when it hit me: I dropped off the face of the planet, too. Talk about a blind spot, lol.

Though I didn’t have any adoring fans that I let down. There are people out there who are very good at commanding attention and getting noticed … and I am not one of them. I tend to become shy. So. Very. Shy.

Anyway, my absence from the planet is why I sit here saying, “I’m super passionate about writing,” with so few titles attached to my name.

Those lost years were essential. They added depth to my ideas that I wouldn’t have developed otherwise, and broke me out of the standard tropes. They gave me life experience.

They also left me too scattered for awhile afterwards to finish anything. I had no focus or consistency.

And I don’t like talking about it, so don’t ask.

Thankfully, in this part of my life, I’m a lot more solidly grounded, so I’m much better at writing nearly every day (I say after I took a full month off just because). That’s the part that really matters to me, but dang do I wish I was working faster sometimes.

Like, it would be so sweet if I was finishing TWO novels every year, instead of just one.

Because sometimes I feel like I have too many stories inside of me, waiting for their turn.

About Writing

Musings on MatC

I handwrote the Damon/Miranda letters months ago to feel more in character, and now I’m running into the problem of never being in the mood to transcribe them.

And here I had been fantasizing about posting two a week. Ha. Ha. I’m such a slacker.

I’m going to bluntly tell you right now, I don’t know how to end the letters. I don’t particularly want to write nine years of Miranda and Damon writing each other back and forth, but I would like to include the resolution at the end.

I’m probably going to have to switch over to third-person narration for the finale.

It will be epic and beautiful. Reduce you to tears, and all that jazz. So A-MAY-ZIIING.

My husband pointed out that their story is pretty far outside of the usual romance genre formula — but I’m good at being offbeat and weird.

It’s ‘normal’ that I struggle the most with.

Considering that I’ve never really lived ‘normal.’

Just wait until I start posting the Carol/Hartmann stuff I’ve been writing, lmao.

About Me

Anecdote

Back when I was 18, I had a friend ask me to go with her to apply for a job. I filled out an electronic application as well to kill time.

My friend was called in for an interview first, and bombed it. Then I got called in.

I didn’t actually *want* the job, but I played along anyway. On the day of my interview, I drank way too much caffeine and didn’t take it remotely seriously, because I figured it didn’t matter — there was no way I was going to get hired. I ended up pretending to be a completely different person.

Then I got offered the job.

I took it because it paid a bit more than the one I had previously.

Which turned out to be a big mistake.

It became very obvious very quickly that I was a bad fit. I strongly disliked all of my coworkers because I thought they were shallow, materialistic, and bitchy. To top it off, my manager backtracked on what she had said during the interview and was not only unwilling to accommodate my college classes, she scheduled me to work more hours than anyone else. I hated absolutely everything about all of it, and I wanted to bail.

But my parents lectured me about work ethic and blah blah blah, so I felt enormously pressured to stay. I put up with coworkers making passive-aggressive comments about my shoes, tolerated a pushy and demanding manager who was never satisfied with anything, and skipped my lunch break so I could leave early to show up late to my classes.

After a month, I remember standing with my back against a wall as I stared blankly into the room, feeling certain that my soul was taking damage from the toxic environment. I was fading.

Then I found out that I had been squeezed in last minute at a lower pay, and that the new(er) hires were making more money than I was because of a major change with the company — hence why I was given the more demanding schedule. I felt like the victim of nasty prank.

After two months, I couldn’t take it anymore and quit. I informed my manager that I was never coming in again, and that was it. I still hope it ruined her week.

With my next job, I was 100% myself in the interview, and ended up somewhere where I got along quite well with most of my coworkers. I stayed with this job until I met my husband and moved away to live with him.

Lately I’ve been reminding myself of this event in my life.

Reminding myself that “stepping out of my comfort zone” isn’t actually going to achieve anything desirable.

And I’m not going to let myself get chewed up and spat out in a vain effort to pursue my dreams.