Tag: About Me

Observations

Observations

Autumn

It’s one of those hot and sticky days.

The advertisements in my inbox assure me that this is the last weekend of summer, but the weather feels like it has other plans. I’m sitting outside with a floppy crocheted sunhat, freshly washed hair spilling everywhere, and a bunch of kids completely ignoring their new splash pad.

Smells like cats.

Crows are cawing in the distance, cutting over the music I have playing on a bluetooth speaker. The neighbor’s door slams as they let their dog out. A semi truck rattles by. The baby starts to fuss as she achieves a death grip on my hair, and the two-year-old informs me that she needs a new diaper.

…

The air conditioning inside feels nice and cool. The baby is settling down to nap as the kids beg for ice cream.

Sounds like a great idea.

About Me

Personal Update

Autumn

I’m at the point in pregnancy where I want to sit on the couch all day, eating buttery brownies while watching the first season of ‘Call the Midwife’. But I’ve got, like, four other kids to take care of, and they’re always hungry. And heck, I’ve never been any good at sitting around to begin with.

I just wish I could get my back muscles to be more cooperative.

Since my energy is waning and I’m losing my ability to focus, I’ll be blogging even less. I’m planning on taking the months of May and June off entirely, and schedule up whatever I have written of Alice and the Warden during that time, which will hopefully see me through. While it thoroughly impresses me that some women can have a baby without missing a beat, I am definitely not one of them.

And honestly,

I know I don’t see the world the same way most people do. In a way it kind of hurts to watch everyone else share in a collective experience, while being the outsider with a totally different perspective. But that’s how it’s always been.

So really, the timing is working out perfectly for me.

About Me

Religion

Autumn

I’m what is called an eclectic Pagan, though I think of myself more as an obsessive cherry-picker.

Religion fascinates me. When I was 21, I made plans to move far away and get a degree in Religious Studies, but it turned out that I was destined for something else. Instead, I now have a large collection of books ranging from the Liber Null to Doreen Virtue.

I’ve dabbled in all sorts of magic, and I have a deck of Tarot cards that I consult regularly. If something doesn’t work, I move on to the next; if it does, I add it to the ‘eclectic’ part of my Pagan practice. All I really care about is finding what resonates with my soul, irregardless of what shape it takes.

I consider the religious beliefs of others to be sacrosanct, and while I will discuss why I do or don’t believe in a particular thing, I respect that everyone has their own path to follow. That’s also part of my beliefs.

All of my stories have an esoteric element to them, and they all happen in the same spiritual universe.

Light Eternal, for example, is pretty heavy on the spiritual stuff. So much so, honestly, that I don’t expect it to gain any sort of attention until after I’ve published a few novels. However, it was exactly what I needed to write at the time, and it’s a good foundation, so I went ahead and put it out there.

I’ve been a bit shy to say all of that right out. I’ve had very mixed reactions to this particular aspect of my personality, but considering that it’s an obvious part of my writing, it would be disingenuous of me to try to hide it.

So there you have it, I love religion. I’m just not picky about which one.

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About Me

Real Life

Autumn

It always feels a bit strange when I draw from my real life with my stories. I never include the Big Stuff; truth be told, I have a possessiveness over my experiences that lends itself towards secretiveness. Barriers, and all that.

Hey, if I was perfectly well-adjusted, I wouldn’t be a writer!

Often, I’ll be out and about, see some curtains that I think are beyond gorgeous, and make a mental note to use them the next time I ever need to describe curtains. Is it deep? Not remotely. At the very least, reading my books will give you a good idea of my tastes in fashion and home decor.

You will not, however, get any sort of autobiography about my life.

Barriers, and all that.

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About Writing

Music and Writing

Autumn

For the past several months, I’ve been working on the rough draft of a new novel, and for the past several months, I’ve been listening to Kamelot on repeat. Specifically, the song, “The Last Day of Sunlight” (which as far as I can tell has not been posted YouTube).

When my husband commented on it, I muttered vaguely about how that particular song “kept the channel open” for writing my novel.

Music is a powerful tool for putting one in a specific mindset for writing. Each story has a different “feeling” about it, and finding a song that suits that “feeling” is often a powerful way of tuning in to inspiration and creativity. I don’t know if this is something I can explain accurately, but I’m certain that those who have experienced it know exactly what I’m talking about.

Often, the earliest stages of a novel involve also finding the music that fits the story, to compose the playlist that will sustain the channel of creativity for the duration of writing. Then, I will listen to that playlist on repeat, to the exclusion of pretty much everything else.

Even if it does start to wear on everyone I live with.

Thankfully, my husband understands.

 

About Me

To photo or not to photo

Autumn

The book I’m currently reading (Mythago Wood by Robert Holdstock) has a great big picture of the author on the back cover. I showed it to my husband and commented, “It would be absolutely mortifying to see a picture of my face displayed like that.”

One of the things that I really like about writing is the anonymity of it. I can hide behind characters, and reveal my innermost thoughts without revealing anything at all. I strive to be, as the author, completely invisible in my novels.

Of course, with setting up an author’s page on Amazon, they ask for a bio and photos.

I wonder, do readers really care what the author looks like?

Personally, I don’t.

Personally, sometimes I wish that I didn’t know what an author looked like.

I’m contemplating whether or not I ought to include that particular bit of info, and hide safely in my anonymity.

About Me

On blogging

Autumn

I actually really like blogging.

As a teenager, I religiously kept a Livejournal for years, posting something every. single. day. In a different life, I would have transferred those skillz over to a less angsty platform, and made a shot toward becoming a professional blogger.

In a different life.

But 2011 found me living out of a car, and once I saw the world from that angle, I never recovered from it.

Just as well, really, because in interim a number of blogger-culture quirks popped up that make my teeth hurt.

I don’t read many blogs now. A few years ago I enjoyed crafting blogs, until I realized that the quality of the actual crafts was dropping precipitously, while those popular bloggers were publishing how-to books that were teaching sloppy techniques. They didn’t care about the crafts; they cared about monetizing.

I’m enough of an arteest to believe that money comes second to artistic integrity. I won’t try to sell something that I was too lazy to put any effort into.

Sometimes I wonder how many other people care. I wonder how many other people are tired of vapid content generators that are concerned more about page views than connecting with readers. I wonder how many people are like me … if anyone.

I like blogging. I’ll probably start putting more energy into it from now on, simply because I’m tired of hiding who I am for fear of being hurt. I just refuse to be anything other than me, especially for a paycheck.

About Me

On holding pencils

Autumn

When I was in kindergarten, I was officially diagnosed with ‘holding my pencil wrong.’ The adults fretted that my handwriting would always be crippled, that I’d never be able to write cursive, that I would always be a weirdo for life.

Being a little kid and all, I tried very hard to learn how to hold pencils the ‘right’ way.

The ‘right’ way made my handwriting worse and hurt my hand. I always subconsciously switched back to my wrong way, because it felt so much more natural. The adults practically melted with anxiety over my future.

Finally, in fifth grade my teacher announced that my handwriting was fine, and that I could keep holding my pencils however I wanted. After all, in her experience, if the correction hadn’t been made by that point, then it would likely never happen. Hallelujah, I was free!

In high school, the other teens said it was freaky how I held my pencil. I had a pronounced callous on my pinky finger from the amount of writing I did. My ceramics teacher predicted that I could be a calligrapher, if I wanted. I was proud of how I held pencils.

I write all of my rough drafts by hand. I have my fountain pen, medium nib, my collection of Japanese inks, and a binder stuffed to the gunwales with paper. My current WIP has reached 100 pages, with about 400 words per page in my handwriting. I don’t suffer much hand-fatigue; I can easily hit the 1,000 word mark without any discomfort. The callous on my finger as all but vanished since I quit using ballpoints. I don’t see why everyone made such a fuss when I was a kid.

I am, however, an irreparable weirdo; but I don’t think that has anything to do with how I hold pencils.

About Me

Role Playing

Autumn

Role playing was the worst thing that I ever did to my writing.

I know how it is to be an introverted fantasy geek, stumbling my way onto forums and finding, much to my delight, that people liked my characters — characters that felt more like me than the real life me, who was too shy to talk much. I’ve loved and lost some actual, real-people friends on those boards, too. I’ve been there. I get it.

And it wreaked absolute havoc on my ability to write.

Role playing is very different from writing a novel. For example, a novel happens entirely in your own head, and even if you chat about it with others in between writing sessions, every single last word is typed by your own hands. There aren’t any surprises. No quick thinking. You can go on and on for pages and pages, god-moding like there’s no tomorrow, and no one will ever complain or defriend you. It’s just you and your OCs.

Role playing, on the other hand, happens one paragraph at a time. Write a paragraph, wait, read what happens next, then respond with another paragraph. Rinse and repeat. Over and over. For hours.

The underlying structure is completely different, but it has an enormous influence on writing style. It kills the flow, and paragraphs become like islands that respond to each other, rather than build upon each other. You can always spot someone who’s heavy into the RP — it shows.

I didn’t dream about being a role playing geek when I was 12. I wanted to be an author. I wanted to write books, not paragraphs. And one day, it hit me really hard that my writing had gone down the toilet. Too many paragraphs responding to paragraphs, and not enough storytelling. I was devastated to realize that my writing had been better at 14 than it was it was at 18.

Goodbye, my fellow fantasy geeks. It was fun.

It took me years to purge it out of my system, to lock the correct mindset back into place. As much fun as it was, I will probably never return to role playing.

Not to mention, I’m, like, in my 30s and married with kids now. It would be a little weird.

About Me

Sleepy

Autumn

WordPress is congratulating me on my blogging streak.

Truth is, I haven’t been sleeping well, and when I’m tired I talk to myself more.

Instead of doing anything useful, I’m just chattering away in my head about nothing in particular, because I can’t think clearly.

Anyway, I did pointless a doodle about my next novel.

So WordPress can love my blogging streak even more.