Tag: journal

About Me

Religion

Autumn

I’m what is called an eclectic Pagan, though I think of myself more as an obsessive cherry-picker.

Religion fascinates me. When I was 21, I made plans to move far away and get a degree in Religious Studies, but it turned out that I was destined for something else. Instead, I now have a large collection of books ranging from the Liber Null to Doreen Virtue.

I’ve dabbled in all sorts of magic, and I have a deck of Tarot cards that I consult regularly. If something doesn’t work, I move on to the next; if it does, I add it to the ‘eclectic’ part of my Pagan practice. All I really care about is finding what resonates with my soul, irregardless of what shape it takes.

I consider the religious beliefs of others to be sacrosanct, and while I will discuss why I do or don’t believe in a particular thing, I respect that everyone has their own path to follow. That’s also part of my beliefs.

All of my stories have an esoteric element to them, and they all happen in the same spiritual universe.

Light Eternal, for example, is pretty heavy on the spiritual stuff. So much so, honestly, that I don’t expect it to gain any sort of attention until after I’ve published a few novels. However, it was exactly what I needed to write at the time, and it’s a good foundation, so I went ahead and put it out there.

I’ve been a bit shy to say all of that right out. I’ve had very mixed reactions to this particular aspect of my personality, but considering that it’s an obvious part of my writing, it would be disingenuous of me to try to hide it.

So there you have it, I love religion. I’m just not picky about which one.

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About Writing

Catharsis

Autumn

Once, during a particularly stressful point in my life, I decided to get drunk. I chose an evening when I was alone and not likely to be disturbed, and settled in with my favorite bottles. After four shots of sugary liqueurs, my stomach called it quits.

I spent the rest of the evening hunched over the toilet.

I wasn’t miserable at all. It actually felt cathartic, to purge out all of the sorrows that I had endured in such a dramatic fashion. It was the only time I’ve ever experienced peace while vomiting.

Now, on those good days, when I can crank out over a thousand words in a comparatively short time, feel the same way: a cathartic purge. Those days help give me serenity and sanity with everything that follows.

Those days keep me writing.

About Me

Inner Voice

Autumn

I have an extraordinarily loud inner voice, and I took it for granted that everyone had some sort of private dialogue with themselves, until I found out differently a few months ago. Read the title of this article, which says all you need to know. I still struggle with the idea, but it also explains why so many people have assumed that if I don’t say my thoughts out loud, my thoughts don’t exist.

I started off extremely shy, and once I was labeled as quiet, no one wanted to hear anything I had to say. However, that didn’t mean that I possessed an empty mind, so I’ve spent most of my life telling myself all of those thoughts that no one else ever bothered to listen to. In many ways, I was my only confidant during my formative years, and I suppose that my chatty brain is the natural consequence of that.

I often have a monologue going on in my brain. It doesn’t matter if I’m sewing or washing dishes, I’m always chattering away with myself in my head. I can even talk to my own fictional characters as if they were real.  It’s one of those things that I don’t tell most people about, since they aren’t very likely to understand — I’m sure that a psychiatrist would have a field day with me.

Ultimately, that’s why I write: the Voice has to go somewhere. That’s also why I feel compelled to self-publish, instead of keeping my stories hidden away on a flash drive somewhere. At the end of the day, I’m still human, and I still want to feel like someone hears me.

 

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About Me

Love Triangles

Autumn

Hate ’em.

My first exposure to the idea of two guys chasing after one woman was the TV series Christy. My mom watched it, and some years later when the movie, Choices of the Heart, was released, I was excited to watch it with her. I was partial to the reverend David, and found it disappointing when (SPOILER) Christy married Dr. MacNeill instead. C’mon! I didn’t like him at all!

Later, I realized that most love triangles have a clear winner early on, and the second guy is mostly just emotional gratuity.

In real life, the closest I ever came to unwillingly becoming the subject of attention from multiple guys ended so horrifically that it was a full five years before I associated with any non-family males again, and earned me the branding of “cold hearted bitch.” It was scarring.

As a married thirty-something, love triangles don’t do it for me. All I needed was The One, and I enjoy stories about people finding their One too, so I can reminisce and appreciate how lucky I am with my husband. It’s easy to spoil happily-ever-afters by wondering what would have happened if you had married a different guy.

I don’t pick teams or giggle when my guy scores points over the other one. I don’t eagerly tune in day after day to see which man the main character will choose. Despite the popularity of love triangles, I just don’t like them. I see them as a good way to alienate others and get hurt. Not fun. Not romantic. No thank you.

About Me

Murder, She Wrote

Autumn

I’ve been watching ‘Murder, She Wrote‘ in my downtime, and I’m currently halfway through season 2.

Occasionally I think that the main character, Jessica Fletcher, is too trusting. She hands high-priced items over to the police without ever once suspecting that anything less than honorable will happen to them, and she openly talks about her suspicions and plans to whoever happens to be nearby.

Of course, since it’s a TV show, she always has everything lined up perfectly whenever the bad guy tries to do bad things, and the day always ends with justice prevailing.

It annoys me deeply. Irritates. Vexes. Abrades. Perturbs. Etc.

Perhaps it’s a generation gap, or simply all too telling of many of my own experiences, but the amount of open trust without any negative consequences strikes me as implausible and naive. I want to grab Fletcher by the shoulders and shout, “KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!” The world is a dark and evil place, and there’s a murderer in your midst. Keep your wits about you, and maybe if you’re lucky you’ll survive into the next episode.

But that’s not the world portrayed in the series. That world is comparatively innocent and unrelatable for me.

That said, I do very much enjoy the episodes about writer culture. Them’s fun.

About Writing

The Hopeless Romantic’s Guide to Writing Captivating Characters

Autumn

My Venus is in Pisces, which is the astrological way of saying that I’m the quintessential hopeless romantic. This was not a personality trait of mine that was ever supported during my formative years, and as a teenager I was frequently warned that I was setting myself up for disappointment; I was also told that I shouldn’t expect to get married.

When I talk about romance, I mean the earth-shattering, butterfly-inducing, dizzying, elevating, whirlwind of excitement sort. The kind that we’re constantly told doesn’t exist. That kind.

A major motivation behind reading is to enjoy stories that I can’t hear by simply talking to the neighbors (even if they are sordid and juicy). I like stories that are larger than life and inspirational; I just can’t find books like that.

Most romance novels are about an attractive, powerful, rich guy, and since I frequently indulge in that fantasy myself as a writer, I’m not going to knock it. It’s obvious why she would fall for him, but why does he fall for her? The heroines range from mediocre to psychotic harpies; with heavy heapings of selfishness on top.

That question, ‘Why does he fall for her?’ is often left unanswered, and that kills every chance of deeply capturing the spirit of romance. If I hate the heroine, I’m not going to empathize if she captures the attention of Mr. Mega Hunk. I usually declare, “This book is stupid!” and give it a bad review on Amazon. No vicarious butterflies, no point in reading.

When I write my female characters, I write them as someone that I could fall in love with myself, and I have zero interest in Anastasias or Bellas. Perhaps I relate to novels in the wrong sort of way, but I like to think that’s what differentiates me from the Mary-Sues.

My hope is that if I write a scene that gives me butterflies, others will experience that as well when they read it.

I am a hopeless romantic, after all.

About Me

Real Life

Autumn

It always feels a bit strange when I draw from my real life with my stories. I never include the Big Stuff; truth be told, I have a possessiveness over my experiences that lends itself towards secretiveness. Barriers, and all that.

Hey, if I was perfectly well-adjusted, I wouldn’t be a writer!

Often, I’ll be out and about, see some curtains that I think are beyond gorgeous, and make a mental note to use them the next time I ever need to describe curtains. Is it deep? Not remotely. At the very least, reading my books will give you a good idea of my tastes in fashion and home decor.

You will not, however, get any sort of autobiography about my life.

Barriers, and all that.

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About Writing

Music and Writing

Autumn

For the past several months, I’ve been working on the rough draft of a new novel, and for the past several months, I’ve been listening to Kamelot on repeat. Specifically, the song, “The Last Day of Sunlight” (which as far as I can tell has not been posted YouTube).

When my husband commented on it, I muttered vaguely about how that particular song “kept the channel open” for writing my novel.

Music is a powerful tool for putting one in a specific mindset for writing. Each story has a different “feeling” about it, and finding a song that suits that “feeling” is often a powerful way of tuning in to inspiration and creativity. I don’t know if this is something I can explain accurately, but I’m certain that those who have experienced it know exactly what I’m talking about.

Often, the earliest stages of a novel involve also finding the music that fits the story, to compose the playlist that will sustain the channel of creativity for the duration of writing. Then, I will listen to that playlist on repeat, to the exclusion of pretty much everything else.

Even if it does start to wear on everyone I live with.

Thankfully, my husband understands.

 

About Writing

Improving Story Progression Through Handwritten Drafts

Autumn

I’ve mentioned before that I write all of my rough drafts by hand. One of the benefits of doing this is that ink is permanent, thus effectively neutralizing the urge to edit as I go. My main focus with my rough drafts is getting the story down on paper with as little critical thinking as possible.

I’m a firm believer in the power of editing and let quite a lot slide through in my rough drafts, but every now and then I do write something that’s so bad, it grinds the story to a halt. Sometimes it’s necessary to rewrite as I go, just to keep the story progressing. I average rewriting about five pages out of a hundred, which is more a testament to how forgiving I am than anything else.

Since transcribing onto the computer is an eventual necessity, that’s where I do the bulk of my rewriting. That’s when I start to think, “How can this be better?” I usually end up rewriting about 90%.

Ever since I started cleanly separating the steps of writing and rewriting, I’ve been able to finish books, rather than collecting files of unfinished beginnings.

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About Me

The Man Who Invented Christmas and Characterization

Autumn

I have a thing for watching corny Christmas movies in December, which is how I came across The Man Who Invented Christmas. It’s about Charles Dickens during the time period in which he wrote A Christmas Carol.

Overall, it really wasn’t my cup of tea. I finished watching it anyway, despite interruptions breaking the movie up into multiple sittings, because I did like how it portrayed Dickens chatting with the fictional character of Scrooge whenever anyone else wasn’t around.

My favorite moment was when Dickens entered his study, stuffed full of fictional characters milling around, and one of them asked, “Who is that?”

Scrooge replied something like, “No one of any import — just the author.”

I’m going off of memory here, so forgive me if I got the line wrong. The spirit is there.

I busted out laughing, because that’s how I write.

My characters are as real to me as, well, real people. I talk to them and listen to the stories they tell me. Writers block happens when they refuse to answer my questions, and getting through it is a matter of finding out how to get them to open up again with better questions. Sometimes, I feel like I’m helplessly scribbling down as much as I can while they chatter away too fast for me to follow. Othertimes, they patiently work with me through the interruptions that come with being the mom. It’s often very sad when the story is done and we say our goodbyes.

I suppose that being crazy isn’t necessary for being a writer, but it certainly helps!