About Me

Nearing the end

Autumn

I’m officially nine months pregnant. I know from experience that waiting for the baby to come is the worst way to spend that final stretch … which is why I’m doing exactly that. XD

Given the number of viruses going around, we’ve opted to seclude ourselves already for the sake of being extra careful — don’t want a tiny newborn getting exposed to anything. Of course, with being so heavy and tired, it’s hard to keep up with my regular daily activities, and I’ve gotten to the point of deciding that if I haven’t deep cleaned it yet, I don’t need to. Heck, sometimes I wish that I was more in the habit of mindlessly killing time, but I just don’t have the stomach for too much internet.

So I’m waiting.

One of the things that I dislike about the homebirth community is that, like all groups, most of the members put up a front to make everything seem better than it is. Personally, I think that the very last part of pregnancy is supposed to be miserable, with hormonal changes and the overwhelming feeling of being so done that you can’t even … basically, it’s nature’s way of motivating you to embrace labor and the pain of pushing a human being through your *ahem*. I often feel like I’m the only one who openly says, “This part sucks.”

There’s nothing wrong with hating something — the pleasant and unpleasant are of equal value, and life is best spent honoring both.

Not that I expect anyone to understand.

Personally, I think that it’s a very small price to pay for the sake of gaining a lifetime friend.

About Me

Forbidden Chronicles – 3

Autumn

I keep a photo on the fridge from a family reunion that happened several years ago, back when we only had two babies. Everyone is neatly lined up with smiles plastered on their faces, until you get to where my husband and I were standing near the end of the row … Both of our children were throwing gigantic tantrums at having to pause the fun and games to pose for a picture. There was no bribing them, no calming them down, and both my husband and I were laughing at how hilarious the situation was.

I don’t keep that photo on the fridge because it was a happy memory or because I like my family.

I keep it there to remind myself of how I fit in with them.

I didn’t care that my babies were ruining the picture. Heck, in the years since, I’ve decorated our house with all sorts of chaotic and candid photos, because they make me laugh whenever I look at them — they’re way better than posed pictures. I like that my daughters refused to obediently stand still and fake a smile.

I keep that photo so I never forget how different I am now from the background that I was raised in.

About Me

Live Grenade

Autumn

The best marriage advice I’ve ever been given wasn’t intended as such at all.

Actually, I overheard Some Old Guy warning my husband that being married to a woman was like having a live grenade in your pocket.

And I decided that I didn’t want to be the sort of wife who was remembered as the psychotic ex, turning her husband into a 60-year-old MGTOW and alienating her children.

Turns out, the simple resolve to not randomly explode has made me extremely atypical.

About Me

…

Autumn

I’m really glad that I wrote Alice and the Warden.

Since I’m expecting #6, I’ve been ravenously hungry for stories about pregnancy and babies. Heck, I even watched Bridget Jones’s Baby, even though I don’t remotely care for the subgenre.

Unfortunately, the majority of stories love to revolve around the “pregnancy is shameful and/or dangerous!” trope. Either female characters are moaning about how their life is over, or it literally comes close to ending because of some pregnancy related complication.

Aaaand it doesn’t stop there. After the baby is born, there’s the constant complaining about how a helpless human needs someone to care for it — as if being depended on is the worst thing that can happen. “Woe is me! I can’t be selfish all the time anymore!”

It’s so sickening.

Especially because I know women who are like that in real life.

Me? I’m the sort of person that wears jewelry that depicts pregnancy. I firmly believe in honoring the Divine Feminine, and rant about how our Christian-normative society demonizes the most powerful magic women possess: the ability to create new life. Not everyone thinks that the very existence of humanity is something shameful.

While the homebirthing community has plenty of women similar to me, none of them are writing novels. Too many of them have gone off-grid, I guess.

I’ve spent the last several months trying to find decent stories about pregnancy and babies, but now I’ve given up. I’m reading my own novel.

Alice is so sweet and loves her family so much, it’s like a breath of fresh air. Finally, a character who is full of hope and doesn’t hate everything about life.

In a very literal sense, I wrote that novel for myself.

art

Princess Dress

Autumn

Other people on the internet talk about turning woven bands into things like belts and dog leashes.

Me?

I cut mine up and used it to embellish a princess dress. XD

It actually went pretty smoothly. I did steam iron the woven band first to set the strings into place, and it didn’t unravel at all after I took the scissors to it.

It’s like a pretty custom ribbon!

Also, stencil+paint for the birds and flowers.

VERY princess-y.

About Me

Pi Day

Autumn

It’s kind of funny, but I was introduced to Pi Day through my calculus class. It was a very nerdy little celebration the teacher put on for us students, but it tickled my fancy to no end. Ever since, I’ve always had pie on Pi Day.

At some point, it became popular. Suddenly everyone was going on about “Pie Day,” including several whom I’m pretty certain had no clue what pi was.

And all I could think was, “You’re ruining it.”

About Writing

Writing

Autumn

My big complaint about CR1515 is that I feel like I’m only writing half the story.

So far, Talon exists as a prop. He’s there for the first few paragraphs, then vanishes forever — something that’s driving me batty. I want him to exist as a character, and to establish a solid foundation that helps the reader understand Aurora’s emotional conflict over the situation she finds herself in.

When I talked with my husband about the troubles I’m having with this story, he suggested that I change the first chapter to focus on Talon’s perspective, and end it with the sinking realization that his girlfriend has vanished. It’s a brilliant idea, and I love it.

But it also puts me in the same position I am in with The Scion Suit; I currently can’t maintain a masculine frame of mind for the life of me.

I adore masculine characters, so I don’t want to phone it in or force it. They need to flow naturally and keep consistent personalities.

Writing hasn’t been going all that smoothly with this pregnancy anyway; at this point I feel like waiting it out isn’t going to make much of a difference. Everything I’ve written is very likely going to need to be rewritten anyway.

art

Cast Iron Brownies with Marshmallows

Autumn

At the end of my third pregnancy, I commented to another mom my age that all I ever wanted to eat was brownies made with real butter. She reacted like I had said something weird — along the lines of, “What else would you make brownies with?”

I didn’t bother to explain that shortening is frequently used as a substitute, or that box brownies usually call for vegetable oil. I’ve always had a lazy streak when it comes to conversations, and I thought that she was the one who was being weird.

Anyway, after months of craving a variety of foods, the last few weeks of pregnancy always boil down to carbs and fat. Like brownies. Baby needs to come out chubby, you see.

Today, I decided to make cast iron brownies.

I use a normal brownie recipe, then bake it in a preheated cast iron pan soaked in butter for extra deliciousness.

As I was getting the batter mixed together, one of my kids asked, “Can we put marshmallows in it?”

And I thought to myself, “Why not?”

So, I put mini marshmallows on top of the brownies for the last five minutes of baking.

They’re so delicious, I’m certain that I have invented a new type of sin. ^.^