About Me – Page 35 – By Autumn Rain

Terror as an author

April 30, 2019April 30, 2019 Autumn

I’ll be honest, as a writer, letting someone read my stories is embarrassing.

Asking someone to pay to read them is mortifying.

I can understand why publishing houses became a thing. Hello, I wrote a book. I am now too embarrassed and mortified to distribute it. Ha ha ha.

Seriously, I don’t want to let people know what sort of things go on in my head. That’s why I’m quiet and shy. Just move along; you don’t know me.

But don’t really. I actually do want people to read my books. I’m just scared. What if people don’t like me? What if people do like me? I’m not sure how I’d handle either.

That’s why I’m a writer, I suppose. Fictional worlds are easier to navigate.

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About Me

In real life, I’m a 30-something stay-at-home mom with small children. I always laugh whenever the neighbors call me a hippie, because I’ve been to Earth Haven and I can’t say that I had an ounce in common with anyone there, but that’s the identity I’ve been given: the neighborhood hippie. I guess that the fact that I’ve been to a place called Earth Haven puts me closer to hippy-ism than anyone else around here.

While I get along great with the ex-bikers, sometimes I wish that I had a friend who was another 30-something mom with small children. There are a few of them around here too, but they are, you know, normal.

Sometimes I think that I ought to try being normal too, so they’ll like me and talk to me.

But that would mean leggings, memberships, and shoes.

You haven’t truly lived until you’ve stepped on a dead mouse barefoot. Now that’s a sensation that doesn’t wash away.

And I really like my bright yellow gaucho pants.

Stargirl was required reading in middle school. We all scoffed at it, dismissing it as another one of those human interest novels that our teachers always seemed to think would ease the trials of being a teenager. But now I think back on it and remind myself, being normal doesn’t make you happy. Stargirl tried it, and she was miserable. So there you have it, I had to grow up before I appreciated the message.

Gaucho pants and bare feet forever, even if that leaves me with only ex-bikers and fictional characters to chat with.

The sequel, Love, Stargirl came out after I graduated, so on a lark I decided to read it now as an adult. When the book mentioned someone giving out donuts to trick-or-treaters, it hit me why we didn’t like the original as teens, and it had nothing to do with individualism or peer-pressure: the author just didn’t know crap about Millennials. The Stargirl books are every bit as much of deluded fantasies as the tripe I write, minus the gratuitous Mary Sue-ing.

Because what’s the point in fantasizing if you don’t go all out?

Also, apparently peer-pressure fiction is a recognized genre. I feel bad for teens.

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About Me

Kindle

April 2, 2019 Autumn

I vaguely mentioned that I had a baby several months ago, which is the reason why I went from posting new chapters every week to sporadic and infrequent updates. During that time period, here’s what I’ve learned:

It’s easier for me to write a manuscript than it is to upkeep a posting schedule.

Even when everything is already finished and all I have to do is copy and paste once a week, for whatever reason I just can’t stick with it. My brain doesn’t want to brain that way.

On the other hand, my binder stuffed full of lined paper and colorful pens is always within arm’s reach. Ten minutes here, an hour there, sometimes a sentence, other times a few pages, and the next thing I know I’ve gotten a novel written.

After some very serious thought, I’ve decided that I will relocate myself over to Kindle. Publish the whole thing in one go and be over and done with it. Better than being sporadic and inconsistent, wondering when I’ll inevitably flake out.

I will post a few more chapters of Light Eternal here, then leave you on a cliff hanger.

About Me

Halloween

October 30, 2018 Autumn

Back in the day, when everyone else was calling Christmas their favorite holiday, I would boldly declare “Halloween!” as mine. Needless to say, I didn’t fit in.

It’s my tradition to make costumes every year, and October is usually spent sewing while glitter gets everywhere. I spend the entire day of Halloween celebrating with activities for the kids, and on the big night we go trick-or-treating and carve pumpkins.

I have a reputation amongst the neighbors for taking Halloween very seriously. But what can I say? Darkness is part of who I am. That’s why I like horror movies.

So,

Happy Halloween!

About Me

Brain

September 14, 2018 Autumn

I had fully intended to be back to blogging by now.

But this summer turned out to be a nasty one and my brain melted. Gone.

I haven’t been sewing, or playing Animal Crossing, and I lost my streak on duolingo.

Naturally, I haven’t been able to think about writing or editing either.

On the bright side, I’ve been cooking with enthusiasm and learning how to make new things, like chicken paprikash with spaetzle. And we’ve made our own jam. Life has never tasted so good.

I just can’t seem to put words together.

Hopefully, as the weather continues to cool down, I’ll be able to think once again.

About Me

Popularity?

July 28, 2018July 28, 2018 Autumn

My six-year-old loves DanTDM, and after the birth of baby #4 I’ve been keeping the older three pacified with hours and hours of his videos while I’ve been postpartum. It dawned on me that he’s popular. Mind you, I knew that when we first found his channel over a year ago, but now he’s, like, popular.

I’ve started wondering what it would be like to have that many fans.

Of course, the thought of going on tours and talking to lots of strangers is a very off-putting idea for me. Invisible introvert here. That’s why I write. NTY for that one.

But what if someone drew fan art of my characters? What if someone read every novel I ever write? What if someone related to my story?

Just one person who isn’t somehow personally connected to me enjoying one of my novels would be really cool.

About Me

Contemporary Fade to White

October 21, 2017October 20, 2017 Autumn

If I were to write Fade to White today, it would be a very different story. For starters, it was written before I started listening to bands like Within Temptation and Kamelot.

I’m not posting the novella because I think it’s good — it’s a snapshot of how I used to be. When I look at the story, I can see the battle between who I was and who I thought I should be during a pivotal moment in my life. Fade to White was written by the girl who went to college, because everyone told her she should.

I am now the woman who said “Fuck you, it’s my life,” and made my own choices against enormous amounts of criticism. Who knew that random strangers would be so invested in whether or not I had a college degree? And that was only the beginning.

Quite a few plot events happened because I thought they were the sorts of things that should have happened. Characters are rigidly righteous because I thought that was how protagonists should be. The romance is slow paced, because I was told that was how all relationships had to happen.

Nowadays my definition of ‘good’ is more fluid. Would a contemporary Tryne become upset at Jerek for being Nosaj’s heir? Probably not. She would likely conspire to use him as the perfect inside man.

The characters would be far more interested in flat-out revenge.

Insidious, convoluted, and dark.

The ending would be completely different, but we haven’t posted that far yet.

About Me

Children’s books

August 30, 2017August 30, 2017 Autumn

I have a confession to make.

I don’t read books to my kids.

Which is kind of funny, because I have always loved books. I wrote and illustrated my first when I was just in kindergarten, and kept the practice up for my entire life.

We started out normal enough when my oldest was a baby. We got a few children’s stories, and I read them enough that I could recite them from beginning to end without any prompts; my daughter’s absolute favorite book was simply titled Water Animals and consisted of pictures and names of things like dolphins, fish, and a polar bear for good measure.

That all changed when baby #2 came along.

My oldest started tearing apart books. Water Animals was shredded to pieces, so I taped it together as best I could then tucked it away somewhere safe (it will probably be years before we find it again). After giving her some time to adjust to having a younger sibling, we bought more books and to my dismay those were also torn up. Several months later, I mentioned to a neighbor that we didn’t have any children’s books, and she gave us a few that also met the same fate.

I was tired of cleaning up the mess, so I gave up. No more.

These days the children and I snuggle up with our Nintendo 3DS and read video game dialogue together.

About Me

Maturity

August 12, 2017 Autumn

As I’ve been reading the Fade to White chapters that I’ve been posting, I can’t help but find it jarringly jumpy — like most of what was in my head when I wrote it never actually made it into words. I want to go back and smack my 19-year-old self then tell her to stop reading so much manga.

Maybe at some point in the future I’ll rewrite it, because the story itself is cute. Or maybe I’ll be too engrossed in other projects to care.

Thank god I’m not 19 anymore.