Month: February 2022

CR1515

CR1515 – 2

Autumn

Aurora was still alone when she awoke, but the door to the bedroom was open. She pulled the sheet off of the bed, wrapped it around herself, then tiptoed out into the main room. CR1515 was sitting in a chair in front of a giant screen, and although his face was completely expressionless, his body language was that of someone who was thoroughly bored of his desk job. Her clothes were still scattered across the floor, so she moved as quietly as she could to gather them up, praying that he wouldn’t notice her.

“You slept for nine hours,” he said, still focused on the screen. “Brain scans indicated that it was prudent to not wake you.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, blushing as she turned away, conscious of the fact that she was still nude underneath the sheet, and the soreness between her legs that attested to the reality of what had happened. “Is there a bathroom?”

“You may attend to all your needs in there.” He pointed back towards the bedroom. “When I am finished I will require sustenance, and you will eat then.”

She hesitated, then asked, “What are you doing?”

“Working.”

Aurora couldn’t stop her curiosity, so she turned to study the screen. “That looks like our underground base.”

“I maintain the security grid,” he replied. “One of the exterior cameras malfunctioned, so I ran a diagnostic and am now programming the instructions for the repair drones. I do this for all of your cities and bases.”

“Really?” Aurora’s fingers touched her lips with surprise. “I thought that was all automated.”

“As I am classified as a machine, it is.” CR1515 turned to look at her. “What are you doing?”

Aurora found herself shrinking back when he stood and approached her, and he took the bundle of clothing out of her arms then pulled the bed sheet away from her. All she could do was wrap her arms around herself and shiver as she looked down at the floor.

“I did not tell you to cover yourself.” He returned to the screen and sat down, then continued typing.

“I can’t always be naked!” Aurora protested. “Do you really intend to keep me as a sex slave?”

“Yes.”

“But …” A painful lump formed in her throat. “It’s not fair to do that to someone.”

“Is it fair to enslave someone for your protection then? To mock and ridicule them even as you demand their loyalty?” CR1515 tilted his head to one side and rested it against a fingertip. “From my perspective, taking a single human woman after decades of service is a small price to ask.”

Aurora squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears, and asked weakly, “Why me?”

“Because you sought me.”

She was silent, hugging herself as her mind tried to make sense of it all. Then, vehemently, she demanded, “If it had been Talon at the Gate instead of me, would you have done the same with him? Would he have been standing here naked now, instead of me? Was it really that arbitrary?”

“No.” CR1515 was either finished programming, or had come to the conclusion that she required his full attention, because he stood and approached her again, laying his metal hand against the side of her face. “If a man had come to the Gate, I would not have answered it.”

“Then why me?” Aurora couldn’t stop herself from collapsing against his hard chest, feeling too weak to stand under her own power anymore.

“You may wear clothing when we are not engaged in sexual activity,” he murmured, then as if he was attempting to provide comfort, he retrieved the sheet and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Dress, and we will have our meal.”

Aurora nodded and slowly moved towards the bedroom with her bundle of clothing held tightly against her chest, feeling ready to sleep for another nine hours. She didn’t know how to cope with abruptly losing everything in her life, especially when she had been on the verge of finalizing her engagement with Talon. He was definitely worried about her by then, and she didn’t have a way to send word of what had happened.

CR1515 shut the door to the main room, then walked across the bedroom to open another door. “You inquired about the facilities earlier,” he said, indicating toward the shower and toilet. “This one leads to the kitchen and dining area,” he continued, moving to another door. “As I implied before, all of your needs will be met.”

“Thank you,” Aurora whispered, then slipped into the bathroom and shut the door. It was comfortingly ordinary, down to the roll of paper next to the toilet, and she let out a heavy sigh of relief as she opened the shower door and turned the water on.

At the very least, he wasn’t callous towards her. Painfully blunt and unyielding, but … Aurora shook her head then upturned her face under the water, wondering if it would wash away the thoughts that she didn’t want. Perhaps Talon had been correct in wanting to finalize their relationship contract before engaging in intercourse with her, after how quickly she had thrown away her loyalty to him …

Not that CR1515 had given her a real choice.

He had revealed himself to her, then pressed his hands and mouth against her before promising to never take her for granted, after she had uttered a single, “Yes,” when he had asked if she would be his. She liked the simplicity and straightforwardness of it.

But that wasn’t what had really happened, Aurora chastised herself. CR1515 had been more than willing to let the artifacts fail and the mecha return to life if she had refused him. If she ever found herself back with Talon, she would tearfully explain that she had been blackmailed and raped, and he would be rightfully furious. He wouldn’t think that she had deliberately betrayed him.

Even though she was already wondering when she would have sex with CR1515 again.

“I’m such a mess,” Aurora whispered to herself, then turned the shower off.

She dressed after towel drying, then tiptoed out to search for CR1515. He was in the kitchen, once again out of his metal suit, with two meal trays waiting. She blushed and looked away as best she could until she was seated, but she couldn’t stop herself from sneaking in a glance at his golden skin that flawlessly covered his thick muscles, and heat twinged inside her.

They ate in silence, but Aurora’s appetite was small enough to disappear after only a few bites. She put her fork down, then stared intently at the table as she slowly asked, “You fought the mecha, right?”

“Yes,” CR1515 replied.

“Did you see Talon?”

He stared at her, and she couldn’t read his expression.

“I just thought that my betrothed should know that I’m …” her voice faded away.

“I wouldn’t know if I saw him.” CR1515 tilted his head to the side. “Why do you say betrothed instead of fiance?”

“We haven’t reached that point yet. After we agree on a finalized contract, we then set a date for our marriage, and that’s when we’re officially engaged.” Aurora squirmed under the look that CR1515 gave her, so she added, “That’s how it’s done.”

“A contract?”

“You know … we work out how many children we want, and when we want to have them. There’s also the financial agreements, how to manage the household, as well as what grounds the marriage may be dissolved …”

“You were planning out how to end your relationship before it even officially began?” CR1515 asked incredulously.

“Things don’t always work out.” Aurora felt small and ridiculous as she tried to explain, “Sometimes you grow to dislike each other and start arguing too much. It’s important to know how to proceed if that happens.”

“Hmph.” CR1515 folded his arms. “If you try to argue with me, I will teach you better.” He studied her for a moment from across the table, then continued, “I would gather that this contract of yours goes much deeper than the possibility of merely not getting along. Your attractiveness, age, and status as a virgin were all bargaining points for you, were they not?”

Aurora’s face began to burn as she nodded, and quietly said, “My mother wanted me to marry well, and the men who can afford to be picky …”

“Had I been satisfied with stripping you of your virginity and sent you back home, it would have hurt negotiations with this betrothed of yours, correct?”

“Talon loves me. He would have …” Aurora faltered. “He probably would have changed some of the terms to be more to his advantage,” she admitted.

“It appears to me that I have rescued you from the undesirable fate of having your every move dictated out beforehand.” CR1515 scowled, then motioned for her to come over and sit on his lap. Aurora obeyed shyly, all too aware of the fact that he didn’t feel the same need for clothing that she did. He pulled her firmly against his chest and touched his lips to her hair as he murmured, “My terms are simple: you belong to me.”

“But I have no grounds to assert myself on; nothing to protect me from your whims,” Aurora began to protest, then stopped when she saw the devilish grin spread across CR1515’s face, and his hand pushed up her skirt to rest against her thigh.

“No, you don’t.”

…

…

When they were finished, Aurora stayed slumped against him with her arms around his neck, and she couldn’t help but ask, “Did you really mean it when you said that you wanted to love? As in, love love, and not just …” she trailed off.

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Will you love me even if I hate you?”

She didn’t wait for his answer, but instead buried her face in the crook of his neck, and breathed heavily as his hand stroked silently along the length of her back.

About Me

The Importance of Ritual In Childbirth

Autumn

I haven’t been writing about this much, but I’m currently in the third trimester with baby #6. I’ve given birth naturally to all of them, with the exception of the first — through an unfortunate turn of events, I got to learn firsthand that epidurals don’t always work with blocking pain, but they’ll still leave you paralyzed from the waist down. Lucky me!

I don’t really fancy myself as having a higher pain tolerance than others. I’m not remotely the sort that peacefully breathes the baby out either. Heck, I firmly believe that anyone who tries to tell you not to scream while giving birth needs to be promptly cut out of your social circle for good. Go ahead and scream, cry, punch the man responsible, and whatever else you have to do to get through it. Just remember: you are strong enough.

In the homebirth community, it’s common to spend time preparing yourself for labor. Women who are more socially-oriented than I am like to hold blessingways. Instead of bringing gifts for the new baby, invited guests bring positive birth stories and affirmations to bolster the expectant mother through labor, and it’s a wonderful way to come together and support each other in sisterhood.

But I don’t do that, ha ha.

I’m pretty high on the introverted scale, so I prefer quiet introspection over parties with henna tattoos. This isn’t the sort of thing that I want to go into while feeling drained from socializing.

For me, making a “costume” for labor is important. I even plan out which color I’m going to paint my toenails, and how I’m going to style my hair, in addition to what I’ll be wearing. That way, instead of feeling like a tired mom who’s first contraction hit while heating up hotdogs for lunch (true story), I can quickly transition myself into a beautiful Goddess in the process of Creation.

Mindset matters.

Rituals are important tools in influencing mindset. They can be as simple as lighting a candle, or as elaborate as you can imagine. The important part is to establish what you are setting out to do.

And when you’re on the verge of popping out a watermelon, having a firm idea of why you’re doing it helps enormously.

art

Valentine’s Inkle Pattern

Autumn

I designed the pattern, and my almost-ten-year-old did the weaving on the inkle loom.

I wasn’t really expecting any of the kids to take an interest in this, but it seems to have tickled the fancy of my two oldest. We’ve been taking turns.

Unfortunately, the pale pink and white threads aren’t easy to distinguish from each other. I have discovered through experience that just because two colors look good next to each other on the spools, that’s not necessarily the effect that you’re going to get with weaving — it’s better to compare individual strands.

Should you decide to use this pattern, I recommend going a little darker with the pink. Also, I forgot to change the weft color in the pattern — it should be black to match the outside edges.

About Me

Wind

Autumn

Windy last night.

It wasn’t destructively strong, but it was the sort of wind that howls and blows ice straight into your bones.

I can’t sleep when it’s windy. I always end up wide awake, listening to every gust, and wondering how long it will take for morning to come. For some reason, I get the mental image of giants outside …

We ended up with the one-year-old in our bed, and the four older children camped out together in one of their bedrooms. The wind bothered them, too.

I couldn’t help but think about how lucky we are, that no one has to be alone when they’re scared.

art

Inkle Loom

Autumn

Purely by chance a few months ago, I saw a video on historic tablet weaving. It stayed on my mind, so I looked up instructions on how to do it, made some makeshift cards, and proceeded to string a bunch of yarn between myself and a table leg to experiment with.

It was a chaotic mess, and I loved it.

I then came to the conclusion that I needed to be free to get up move around at the drop of the hat, on account of the toddlers that I live with, lol.

So, for my birthday, I got an inkle loom.

And promptly got sucked into that world of crafting.

I’ve joked with my husband that weaving is telling yourself, “one more pass with the shuttle, then I’ll do something else,” for three hours straight. I actually have a number of bands that I’ve made, and a few that the children have done as well.

Now I’ve begun experimenting with fancier patterns.

Latvian flowers
Baltic style hearts

Next step: Applying these to clothing.

I also have some bands that I’ve made with the cards, but I’m saving those for another post.

About Me

CR1515 – 1

Autumn

I’ve cut out the more explicit content, which also happens to include pivotal parts of the story. Deal with it.

The first chapter is mostly the same as what I posted before, with few changes.

Aurora’s eyes closed, and for a moment she drifted off before she snapped herself back into consciousness. The horizon was growing lighter, and he still hadn’t appeared. While she was doing her best to maintain the vigil, it was difficult to feel a sense of urgency when their fate rested on someone who was now hours late.

“He’s not coming,” Talon murmured, closing his hand around Aurora’s. His skin felt burning hot over hers, so she snuggled up against his side to soak in his warmth.

“He has to,” she replied quietly.

“As soon as the first sun rays appear, we’re out of time.” Talon motioned to the frozen 12-foot mecha that stood some yards away, still poised in mid-attack. “The artifacts won’t hold it after daybreak.”

“He’ll be here,” Aurora weakly insisted. “He’s the only one who can stop it.”

“We need to leave before we get killed.” Talon stood then pulled on her. “Come on.”

“But what about the artifacts?”

“They’ll probably be destroyed. We’ll have to worry about that later.”

Aurora reluctantly followed Talon, but she couldn’t stop herself from looking back. Recovering the three artifacts had been a long and difficult process, and so had been activating them to imprison the mecha in a force field. The thought of being abandoned by CR1515 at the last minute was too much to bear.

“Let’s go find him,” she suggested hopefully.

“If Robot Boy was coming, he would have been here hours ago,” Talon snapped.

“The Gate isn’t far from here. Let’s go see if we can contact him, at the very least.” Aurora hated the thought of giving up, and even though she knew her idea sounded silly and irrational, it was far better than doing nothing.

“You go then, if it will make you happy. I need to tell the others what’s happened.” Talon stopped and turned to Aurora, put his arms around her waist, then lightly pecked her lips. “Don’t risk waiting around, though,” he whispered. “If he doesn’t answer in two minutes, get underground.”

“I promise I will.” Aurora closed her eyes as they kissed farewell again, then continued on to the Gate alone. She approached the metal door, standing in the middle of an empty lot free from any buildings or walls, and pushed the small button next to it. Silently, she began to count the seconds, feeling the weight of fatigue build with every number.

At 64, the door swung open.

She hesitated, then stepped through.

Aurora was no longer in the empty lot with solid earth beneath her feet. She was inside a large room with monitors and windows on every side, looking out at a dark sky that was speckled with innumerable stars. Her breath caught in her throat at the realization that she was no longer on the planet, but far above it in space.

Metallic footsteps came towards her, and she turned to face CR1515. It hurt to find him home, staring at her with his expressionless face, and she couldn’t stop herself from crying out, “How could you?”

He stopped, and his voice sounded deep with a slight electronic buzz, “Have you never questioned whether or not you are worthy of my help?”

“Aren’t … we?” Aurora was lost for words. The truth was, through all the hard work and sacrifices that they had made to reach their goal, it never once occurred to her to wonder what CR1515 thought of them – she had assumed that he would assist the moment he was needed; he always had in the past.

“I have grown tired of humanity. Save yourselves.” He turned to walk away, but Aurora jumped forward and caught hold of his back, pressing herself against him as she begged,

“Please. Please. We’ve done everything we can, but that mecha is … a lot of people will die if you don’t do something right now!”

“No.” His reply was so flat and blunt, it was like being punched in the chest. Aurora let out a cry of pain, but clung harder to him with increased desperation.

“I swear that I’ll do anything you ask, if only you’ll kill that thing!” she begged.

“You swear?” CR1515’s metal hands pressed down over her wrists, holding her in place with her arms around him.

“I swear!”

“I want what your species takes for granted.” He thrust Aurora’s arms away from him and once again turned to face her. “I want to touch, and to love.”

She stood, numbed by the words, unable to stop the thought, He’s a robot, from repeating itself over and over in her mind. CR1515 possessed the likeness of a human, but he was undoubtedly made of hard metal. How could he touch?

“Will you be mine?” he asked.

“But …” Aurora’s voice faded.

“Those are my terms. If you won’t accept, then begone.”

“…Yes.” Her lower lip trembled, and she wondered if she should try to take back the word despite having said it.

A seam appeared down the center of CR1515’s chest, and Aurora watched disbelievingly as the metal parted and a man of flesh and blood stepped out, with golden skin that gleamed softly. She blushed and turned away, not daring to look at his completely nude form.

“You are shocked,” he intoned, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Your species is the greatest work of engineering to ever grace the universe, with your only major flaw being the softness of your bodies. I was created to utilize your strengths while correcting your weaknesses.”

“Are you actually human?” Aurora asked, then immediately felt stupid for the words. Of course he wasn’t, she chastised herself, but it was difficult to think clearly with a naked man standing next to her.

“I was born one, but ceased to be long ago.” His lips touched her ear. “Give yourself to me.”

“I’m betrothed.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “If you want someone to love, then it should be easy to find …”

“I want you.” CR1515’s fingers lightly brushed her cheek as he turned her around. The undeniably masculine part of him was pressed against her, and she found herself flushing as her heart quickened. “No one else.” He took the end of her long braid and pulled out the tie, then worked his fingers through her hair to loosen it, so that strands flowed freely around her.

“But …”

“You’re running out of time.” His hands found the zipper in the back of her skirt, and once it was undone the fabric readily slipped down to the floor. “You have only 32 minutes until sunrise.”

“But, Talon …” she protested weakly as CR1515 removed her blouse over her head and tossed it aside.

“Then I will stand back, and watch as your kind dies.” Her bra came off next, and he paused to place a hand over one of her exposed breasts. Aurora shivered as goosebumps prickled her skin.

“This isn’t fair.” Tears slipped from her eyes.

“No. It isn’t.” Finally, her panties were stripped from her, leaving her as completely naked as CR1515 was. He held her firmly against him, skin touching skin, as he trailed his fingers along her back and around the curves of her body, tasting her mouth with his own. He picked her up and carried her to another room, where he placed her down on a soft bed and levied himself over her.

“Unlike your species,” he whispered, “I will never take this bliss for granted.”

…

…

Finished, he kissed her then whispered, “I wish I could linger, but I have precisely 15 minutes to destroy your menace. I will return to you shortly afterwards.”

The finality of his words hit hard. Before he disappeared through the door, Aurora sat up and called out, “I’m never going home again, am I.”

He paused. “No. Never again.”

She sank down into the pillows and pulled the blankets around herself, no longer possessing the energy to react. With a heavy breath, she closed her eyes and let the events of the last 24 hours press her down into a deep sleep.

About Me

Motherhood

Autumn

I said to my one-year-old, “Be my baby?”

She shrieked, “NO!” and ran away.

…

Guess I’m just going to have to have another one.

XD

The Scion Suit

Concept Story – Hartmann

Autumn

I wrote this a few months ago as part of The Scion Suit, but I’ve decided that I won’t be using this scene in the final version after all.

Hartmann sat at the bar, his hand lax around an untouched glass of scotch. A woman sat next to him, chittering nonstop, although he wasn’t listening to a word that she was saying. He was staring at her lips, studying the neatly applied red lipstick with a crisp outline and a perfect cupid’s bow, and his gaze had the woman giddy.

Carol’s lips had been pale and dry. She had been too shocked to react the moment his mouth touched hers, but he had expected that – Carol was the sort who hadn’t kissed anyone in years … if she had ever kissed anyone at all. He had taken his time and moved slowly to keep from overwhelming her, feeling the change in her breath as her eyes had closed and her chin lifted up.

Afterwards, Hartmann had told himself to stop pursuing Carol, before she damaged his ability to touch another woman. He had rounded up a couple of his guys to head out for a night of fun, but now that he was there, he found that he couldn’t engage. He couldn’t stop thinking of Carol.

Her lips had been vulnerable and responsive. Somehow, with very little movement, they had begged him not to stop, and he knew that Carol hadn’t been internally counting down the seconds till she could move on to the next step. He had felt wanted.

The woman sitting next to him, with the perfect lipstick and low-cut top didn’t want him. To her, he was no different from any other man, and if he didn’t pick her up, then someone else would. The cheap, meaningless pleasure that she offered held no appeal in contrast to what he had tasted with Carol.

She stopped talking and leaned close to him with her eyes half closed, and Hartmann couldn’t stop himself from jerking back with a disgusted look on his face. The woman snatched up her purse as she cussed at him, then stormed away, and he finally took a gulp of his drink.

Sergeant Brown sat down next to him in the woman’s empty spot, ordered two more drinks, then studied Hartmann for a moment before asking, “What’s up man? I’ve never seen you so far out of the game.”

Hartmann remained silent, but finished his scotch and set the glass back on the bar, where he traced the circle of the rim with his fingertip, remaining deep within his thoughts.

“If you keep bombing this badly, I’m gonna start thinking that you’re hung up on some bitch,” Brown added after a moment.

Hartmann didn’t really want to talk about it, but the idea of Carol being referred to as ‘some bitch’ galled him – a lot more than he’d expected it to. He glanced over at Brown with a scowl, then back at his glass. “She’s not a bitch,” he muttered quietly. “That’s the problem.”

“Oh come on, man,” Brown snorted derisively. “That just means you’re the one getting played.”

“Nah. She’s way too pathetic for that.” Hartmann couldn’t stop the small smile that twitched at the corners of his mouth. Despite his choice of words, he didn’t intend it as an insult – it was something about Carol that made her irresistibly endearing to him. In the moments when he wondered how she had managed to survive on her own in her former life, he also deeply wanted to be there for her in the future.

“Hell, I don’t believe you.” Brown waved his hand dismissively. “Women only care about themselves, money, and orgasms.”

That made Hartmann laugh. “This one is different, and now I’ve got to prove that I’m not full of shit.”

Brown drained his glass and set it down as he asked, “To me, or to you?”

“Both,” Hartmann replied, then signaled the bartender over for a refill.