The Scion Suit

Scion – Part 3

Hartmann waited for Carol out on the running track, smiling slightly when she came through the doors and squinted at him through the sunlight. The corporal was still with her, so the first thing that Hartmann did was dismiss the soldier, to ensure that they would be alone. She was nervous as the corporal left, so she bit her lip as her eyes locked onto the ground, and the action made her look younger and more girlish.

He had to find his tongue before he could say, โ€œWeโ€™re going to run a mile to start.โ€ It was hard to describe the effect that Carol was having on him. She wasnโ€™t feisty like the women in the military, nor did she try to act sexy like the women at the bar. She was something else โ€ฆ something unfamiliar.

Carol nodded and murmured, โ€œYes, sir,โ€ with her eyes still pointed downwards. Her hands tightened into fists.

โ€œRelax, Iโ€™m under orders to be nice to you.โ€ Hartmann smirked as he added, โ€œAnd remember to call me master sergeant. Iโ€™ll let you off this time because youโ€™re a civilian.โ€

โ€œYes, sir โ€ฆ master sergeant.โ€ She glanced up, met his eyes for a split second, then looked away.

โ€œGo on, get moving. Itโ€™s four laps around the track.โ€

Hartmann was silent as they jogged the first lap, giving Carol time to get used to his presence and feel more at ease. He watched her out of the corner of his eye, noting that it didnโ€™t take long for her to begin breathing heavily, and compensated by slowing down the pace. When they started around the curve again, he said, โ€œIโ€™m sorry for being a dick.โ€

Carol didnโ€™t reply, but he had expected that.

โ€œEveryone knows Iโ€™m a real asshole to be around โ€ฆโ€ He feigned sheepishness, though inwardly he winced at his own words. He hadnโ€™t even begun to get rough with her when she had jumped into the Suit, and if given the chance he would show her in a heartbeat just how much of a jerk he could be. However, at the moment he had a goal, and he wanted Carol to relax and open up to him. โ€œI especially get a little crazy about the Suit.โ€ That part was true.

He was quiet again, studying her closely, doing his best to read her thoughts through her body language. Her face flitted through a number of micro-expressions, enough to tell him that the inside of her mind was no where near as empty as her exterior, but it was going to take more time to be able to read her accurately.

โ€œMaster sergeant,โ€ she said hesitantly as they began their third lap at an even slower pace. โ€œDo you know what the visor is made out of?โ€

โ€œNot a clue. Iโ€™d guess something similar to leaded glass, but I donโ€™t think the minerals used in it came from this planet.โ€ Hartmann stopped and grinned at her. โ€œYou noticed, didnโ€™t you.โ€

โ€œNot while we were inside.โ€ Carol placed her hands on her knees as she huffed. โ€œBut when I had the Suit out in the sunlight, it was like seeing the world for the first time.โ€

โ€œItโ€™s amazing, but itโ€™s something that youโ€™re going to have to get used to. Those new colors have an odd way of swirling together and causing vertigo and nausea once you get moving fast enough. Thatโ€™s going to matter during combat.โ€

She looked away. โ€œAm I supposed to go into combat?โ€

โ€œIโ€™m not cleared for that information. I was told to train you, so thatโ€™s what Iโ€™m doing.โ€ Hartmann was eyeing Carol up and down again. โ€œIn the military, you follow orders without question.โ€

โ€œI guess thatโ€™s something we have in common,โ€ she blurted, then bit her lip shyly as she began walking again.

Hartmann was momentarily lost for words as some sort of electrical shock pulsed through his chest. A feeling started to form inside his throat, then hardened into anger. How dare the cleaning lady suggest that they had any commonality โ€“ he was a hero, and she was a nobody. She was only there through some unexplained fluke, because some computer inside the Suit had called her โ€œcommander.โ€ If not for that, her place would be in the shadow of his glory, unnoticed as she maintained the Suit for him.

He walked beside her, neither of them bothering with the pretense of jogging, until he regained himself and a quip came to him, โ€œI saw the employee file on you, and it said that youโ€™ve always been the picture of good behavior. I bet your parents loved you for that.โ€

Carol shrugged. โ€œI guess they would have.โ€

โ€œWould have?โ€ Hartmann prodded.

โ€œThey died when I was three.โ€

He frowned. Carol didnโ€™t look like the sort who carried childhood trauma, and she had delivered the news so blandly that it would have better suited a conversation about the weather. โ€œHow?โ€ he asked, not out curiosity about the answer, but more for the opportunity to gauge her response.

โ€œHouse fire.โ€ Carol looked over at him and met his eyes. โ€œI nearly died of smoke inhalation as well.โ€

โ€œThat is surprisingly interesting for you.โ€ Hartmann cracked a grin. โ€œI would have guessed that you grew up in some ordinary middle class family, did all of your homework and managed mostly Bโ€™s in school, then graduated and decided to twiddle your thumbs until you died.โ€

She scowled, finally annoyed by something. โ€œNo. I grew up in foster care, and got myself emancipated at sixteen. I got a GED instead of graduating, and Iโ€™ve been working full time ever since. I am not twiddling my thumbs.โ€ A shadow of doubt crossed over her eyes, as if she was second-guessing what she had said.

โ€œFoster care, huh? Dark place, isnโ€™t it.โ€ For a moment Hartmann felt the impulse to reach over and place his hand against her shoulder, to feel the crook of her neck with his fingers, but he tamped it down and kept his hands by his side.

โ€œI survived.โ€ Her mouth twisted downwards. โ€œBy becoming invisible.โ€

โ€œThat explains the great mystery of the cleaning lady,โ€ he said smugly. โ€œI should have guessed there was something tragic lingering behind that pretty face of yours.โ€

Carol stared at him, her expression blank. Then, abruptly, she began jogging again, her hair bouncing as she pulled ahead. Hartmann picked up the pace as well.

โ€œSince I know that youโ€™re wondering, but are too shy to ask, I grew up in some ordinary middle class family, but I got straight Aโ€™s, and was the captain of both the lacrosse and swim teams,โ€ he said conversationally. โ€œThen I enlisted when I was seventeen โ€ฆ to kill people.โ€ Hartmann laughed at the series of expressions that flitted across Carolโ€™s face when she glanced over at him, then added, โ€œI had to get out.โ€

โ€œDoesnโ€™t sound like it was that bad,โ€ she murmured.

โ€œIt wasnโ€™t. It was so normal I was suffocating,โ€ he replied.

Hartmann continued to study Carol, piecing together what he could about her from the small bits that she had told him. There was something off about her, some essential part that was either repressed or incomplete, that enabled her to speak almost monotonously about her past traumas. It intrigued him.

She was skinny, and combined with her lack of stamina, it made him suspect that she was a chronic under-eater, though not out of body-image issues. Heโ€™d guess that Carol was completely unaware of herself as a physical being, and probably wasnโ€™t aware of her nervous habits. The way she pulled her teeth slowly across her full, pale pink, bottom lip was sensuous โ€“ more so, because of her naivete โ€“ and if she had any idea of how it made him think about her mouth, she would stop doing it immediately.

He wondered how she would taste.

After they finished their final lap, he took her to the vending machine and bought an electrolyte drink for her, then debated how much more exercise he should put her through. He liked the sheen of sweat on her forehead, liked the idea of pushing her so hard that her muscles burned, and wanted to make the most of the opportunity that he had been given. The obstacle course was guaranteed to be too hard for her, but he could drill her through calisthenics out on the field for as long as he liked.

She was going to be sore when he was through with her.

About Me

Overcoming Writing Insecurities: My Journey

I find it encouraging that my fiction writing is still performing the best in my blog statistics.

I’ve been working on overcoming the memory of that smug voice telling me that my writing ideas were cliched and immature. Despite that proclamation, I continued writing my ideas. Alice and the Warden? Me. The Scion Suit? My interpretation of a writing prompt. The Black Magus? Yup, that was me. I enjoyed writing my ideas immensely, and others have enjoyed reading them as well, so it doesn’t matter if they were “cliched” or “immature” — it isn’t about being the best of the best, it’s about personal satisfaction and having fun.

It wasn’t really my ideas that were the problem. Rather, it was the seed planted in my brain that made me feel like I had to seek a stamp of approval before I could write them. That deep insecurity and fear I always felt when I started a story that hadn’t been given the “green light” by someone else.

Yet that person who had propped himself up as the Gatekeeper of Quality left.

It might be difficult to understand if you haven’t been through this, but when someone deliberately inflicts an emotional wound so that they can provide the “cure,” that wound is still there after they leave. Real healing takes time and is very difficult, especially when you feel the withdrawal from the false cures they fed you. It hurts severely to acknowledge that they weren’t trying to help you improve, but instead deliberately keeping you dependent.

Despite knowing better on a cognitive level, it’s been terrifying to write without that stamp of approval.

I’ve switched back to writing with a pen in a notebook, but unfortunately my handwriting muscles aren’t what they used to be (I blame the years spent typing). It reminds me of being a teenager, secretly filling page after page with my characters in novels that will never see the light of day, though now my end goal is to publish. I haven’t given up on my dream of being a professional author; it’s always there in my mind through every moment of every day.

All I need to do is write without holding anything back.

About Me

Rewriting My Story: Creative Reflections on Life

I’ve taken a much-needed break, though I can’t say that my life is any different these days. Motherhood is taking most of my focus as usual, but I am feeling much better about myself in general; I’m learning the value of simply breathing.

The kids and I have made plans on how we want to celebrate Valentine’s Day together, including decorating cookies and setting up a chocolate fondue. Valentine’s Day is still one of my favorite holidays, and I’m still excited for it — I’ve never been one of those bitter “singles awareness” types, and I’m not going to start now.

It’s hard to summarize everything, honestly. I’m busy with plenty of activities, and I’ve been spending a lot of time processing the past and musing about the future, as well as trying to appreciate each day as it comes. I spend a lot more time out of the house these days, practicing how to engage complete strangers in small talk, and slowly boosting my confidence bit by bit. No more shy and invisible for me!

I still haven’t decided what I want to do with RuneMaster. Since I originally created the characters back when I was in high school after a traumatic period in my life, it seems very fitting that I should do my “grown up” rewrite now, after another traumatic period in my life. Come to think of it, the mirroring of past and present is a little weird. I don’t break up often, but when I do …

I need to figure out what happens in the rewrite. When I began it a year ago, I decided to cut a character to make the story fit into the overall mythos better, but now I think I want to put him back in … even if it does completely change the dynamics of the characters’ interactions. Why not, right? I ain’t got no fanbase to disappoint. ๐Ÿ˜†

Just me. Figuring out my life.

youtube

Five words that every writer should avoid using (funny)

Literally – Literally everyone says it

Actually – It’s been copyrighted by the online debate crowd

Just – Just don’t

Very – It’s very very bad.

Milquetoast – It’s spelled weird.

And that’s it! Now you are ready to make your dreams come true and live your best life. Wishing you all a good writing journey!

About Me

Overcoming Writer’s Process: Navigating Life’s Challenges

One of those big and glaringly obvious things about trying to make a living as an indie author is that you have to, you know, write books to make it happen.

Ha ha, yeah, I’ll get around to it.

Currently my actual progress with novel writing is quite small. Currently my mind is a little too preoccupied with the real world to think that much about my fictional ones. I wouldn’t say, “writer’s block”, but I’m definitely still deep in “writer’s process.” And while I’m kinda wishing that I was more of an escapist sort, I need to get a real-world foundation built under me before I can start dreaming.

There is a slightly pragmatic element to me.

So instead of thinking about Malachi and Lyra, running around and doing things in Runemaster, I’m thinking about boring adult things like my credit score. I’m figuring out how to structure my day so that I can have time for everything that needs to be done. I’m trying to remember to stay hydrated and get some fresh air and sunshine. I’m adjusting to a major life change. I’m stopping a four-year-old and a two-year-old from spitting at each other across the room, because despite how cute and little they are, it’s also kinda gross.

What I need is time. I wish that life came with a pause button that I could smack every time I needed a moment to think and process, but the sun continues to rise and fall the same way that it always has and always will. I don’t know if I’m counting down the days to a deadline, or if I’ll have all the time I need. And it’s easy to get caught up in the stress.

So I remind myself not to make any decisions based on fear. I can be logical. I can follow what my heart truly wants. But I won’t let myself succumb to fear; that’s not how I want to live the rest of my life. I know deep in my heart that writing is the only thing that I have any real ambition for, so that’s where I’m throwing all my energy.

However, I’m not going to lie: having a fire tickling my behind is also proving itself to be great motivation. I might not be deep into writing yet, but I’m thinking a lot about the marketing aspect and learning new skills.

My life right now

Speaking of marketing, that whole “SEO optimization” makes me feel awkward. There’s nothing poetic about it, and it’s definitely not natural to my way of thinking.

“Calls to action” are also something that are currently uncomfortable. Should I really end my blog posts with, “Now that I’ve shared how my life is a train wreck, tell me about your own train wrecks in the comments below!” Is that appropriate?

But what the hey, let’s commiserate a little bit. What are you struggling with in your life right now?

youtube

The Scion Suit Part One – Audio edition!

I needs to learn teh elocution. LOL

Books

Cover Design for Alice and the Warden by Autumn Rain

Alice had lost her sense of self. She had fallen in with a stereotypical bad boy named Damon, and as the mistakes heaped higher the more trapped she felt in the rebellious life she led. However, when Damon pushed circumstances to their breaking point, and Alice fell into legal troubles that there was no escape from. A chance encounter with the local Warden began a process of self-discovery for Alice, as she she asked herself the question, “What does it mean to have dignity?”

Available only on Amazon.


Base image created with Stable Diffusion, and everything else added in Canva.

About Me

Cover Design for The Black Magus by Autumn Rain

What happens when the world’s most powerful magus falls in love?

Ainmire has long since lost his connection with his humanity, existing as more of a shadow that looms over the Order of the Magi, focused more on doing what was necessary rather than on what he wanted. However, after the Order gave the orders for the assassination of the Red Magus, Ainmire has a chance encounter with the Red Magus’s beautiful and vivacious daughter, Lily … and changes his mind. He refuses to follow through with the assassination, and instead pursues Lily with the intent of marriage, rediscovering the human side of himself along the way.

It doesn’t matter how many enemies he makes with his change of goals, because no one comes even close to matching his ability to wield magic. After all, who’s going to stop him?

Available only on Amazon.


Base image generated with Stable Diffusion, and everything else added using Canva.

Redesigning the covers for my novels.

Still feeling rather insecure about the process, particularly since I’m not as visually motivated as everyone else, so I don’t really know what it is about covers that scream, “Buy me now!” (Same way that I don’t really understand why arranging food in a fancy way makes people think it tastes better). But I’m perfectly aware that covers are what initially hook people into cracking open a book, so I’m doing my best to learn.