I’ve never had milk in green tea before, but the internet assures me that it will leave my life as a shattered wreck of a smoking crater, so I’m going for it.
#thrillseeker

An author's collection of thoughts and stories
I’ve never had milk in green tea before, but the internet assures me that it will leave my life as a shattered wreck of a smoking crater, so I’m going for it.
#thrillseeker

I handwrote the Damon/Miranda letters months ago to feel more in character, and now I’m running into the problem of never being in the mood to transcribe them.
And here I had been fantasizing about posting two a week. Ha. Ha. I’m such a slacker.
I’m going to bluntly tell you right now, I don’t know how to end the letters. I don’t particularly want to write nine years of Miranda and Damon writing each other back and forth, but I would like to include the resolution at the end.
I’m probably going to have to switch over to third-person narration for the finale.
It will be epic and beautiful. Reduce you to tears, and all that jazz. So A-MAY-ZIIING.
My husband pointed out that their story is pretty far outside of the usual romance genre formula — but I’m good at being offbeat and weird.
It’s ‘normal’ that I struggle the most with.
Considering that I’ve never really lived ‘normal.’
Just wait until I start posting the Carol/Hartmann stuff I’ve been writing, lmao.

I’m not going to claim to be a talented artist, but it is fun and relaxing to draw, and I’ve been playing around with Krita on my new laptop.
I drew a betta fish. Sort of. I didn’t actually know how to get the shape of the head/mouth from that angle, so I gave it a goldfish head instead. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Back when I was 18, I had a friend ask me to go with her to apply for a job. I filled out an electronic application as well to kill time.
My friend was called in for an interview first, and bombed it. Then I got called in.
I didn’t actually *want* the job, but I played along anyway. On the day of my interview, I drank way too much caffeine and didn’t take it remotely seriously, because I figured it didn’t matter — there was no way I was going to get hired. I ended up pretending to be a completely different person.
Then I got offered the job.
I took it because it paid a bit more than the one I had previously.
Which turned out to be a big mistake.
It became very obvious very quickly that I was a bad fit. I strongly disliked all of my coworkers because I thought they were shallow, materialistic, and bitchy. To top it off, my manager backtracked on what she had said during the interview and was not only unwilling to accommodate my college classes, she scheduled me to work more hours than anyone else. I hated absolutely everything about all of it, and I wanted to bail.
But my parents lectured me about work ethic and blah blah blah, so I felt enormously pressured to stay. I put up with coworkers making passive-aggressive comments about my shoes, tolerated a pushy and demanding manager who was never satisfied with anything, and skipped my lunch break so I could leave early to show up late to my classes.
After a month, I remember standing with my back against a wall as I stared blankly into the room, feeling certain that my soul was taking damage from the toxic environment. I was fading.
Then I found out that I had been squeezed in last minute at a lower pay, and that the new(er) hires were making more money than I was because of a major change with the company — hence why I was given the more demanding schedule. I felt like the victim of nasty prank.
After two months, I couldn’t take it anymore and quit. I informed my manager that I was never coming in again, and that was it. I still hope it ruined her week.
With my next job, I was 100% myself in the interview, and ended up somewhere where I got along quite well with most of my coworkers. I stayed with this job until I met my husband and moved away to live with him.
Lately I’ve been reminding myself of this event in my life.
Reminding myself that “stepping out of my comfort zone” isn’t actually going to achieve anything desirable.
And I’m not going to let myself get chewed up and spat out in a vain effort to pursue my dreams.
I’ve mentioned a couple of times in the past that when I tried Nanowrimo, I promptly abandoned it because I met my husband instead.
Recently I got a new laptop, and with shuffling files around, I came across that story.
Honestly, I find it hilarious that this is what I wrote as a 21-year-old, literally the day before I fell madly head over heels in love at first sight.
Mizrael stood next to his bed and stared down at the sleeping teenage girl, unsure of what to do. He had accosted the vampire more out of hatred for the race and less out of concern for the girl, because he was a man of God– a man of solitude– and he rarely dirtied himself with the affairs of humans. There was a reason why he had requested that little church set deep in the heart of a forsaken land, because he knew that the human occupants would never bother themselves with attending church. The chapel was his haven in the depths of hell, and an outpost that the church was desperate to keep open. In short, he liked it.
Yet there he was, wondering why he had uncharacteristically rescued that particular child from the cold, hard pew to place her in his bed. He was sure that he was somehow breaking the rules. He wished that he was breaking the rules so that he would have a good reason to toss the girl back out to the mercy of the vampires. Life was short and cruel, and it was not his place to protect anyone from that. As a priest, Mizrael simply had to hear confessions then pass the judgments of God. That was all they asked of him, and all he did. The body of the church had grown cold long before Mizrael’s heart, but it hadn’t taken much prompting for him to follow suit.
Cold like the snow, pure white and beautiful. Frozen and silent. Winter and Heaven shared many characteristics.
“Father.”
He looked down and met the girl’s eyes, waiting for her to speak, almost challenging her to make her words profound. It was a gaze she did not like, and she turned away.
“Father forgive me.” Her weak voice trembled. “I have sinned, and I have never confessed my wrongdoings.”
“Since you are currently lying in my bed instead of sitting in my confessional, I do not believe that the formality is necessary.” Mizrael’s voice wasn’t harsh, but it wasn’t filled with warmth either. “In fact, I would prefer it if you didn’t make a confession at all.”
“But I need to.”
And the priest’s patience snapped. A teenage girl – even one who was the property of vampires – had absolutely nothing original to share. All of their sins were the same, and he was in no mood to hear a confession outside of his preferred set up. If the child wanted to confess, then she would have to wait till the appropriate time and place. If she continued proving herself to be weak and pathetic, then he would turn her away like he should have done in the first place. “Get up,” he ordered, his voice a low growl.
She was surprised but she obeyed, sliding out from under the blankets and steadying herself on her feet, her white silk nightgown rippling around her legs. The sheer fabric didn’t hide much of her figure, and Mizrael’s eyes narrowed in disgust. He had always found the human body to be repulsive.
“I suppose you’ll have to wear something of mine.” As much as he hated the idea, it was still better than her current apparel.
“Thank you,” she whispered as he rummaged through his drawers and more or less flung a shirt and pair of pants at her.