About Me

Halloween

Back in the day, when everyone else was calling Christmas their favorite holiday, I would boldly declare “Halloween!” as mine. Needless to say, I didn’t fit in.

It’s my tradition to make costumes every year, and October is usually spent sewing while glitter gets everywhere. I spend the entire day of Halloween celebrating with activities for the kids, and on the big night we go trick-or-treating and carve pumpkins.

I have a reputation amongst the neighbors for taking Halloween very seriously. But what can I say? Darkness is part of who I am. That’s why I like horror movies.

So,

Happy Halloween!

About Writing

On (not) reading as a writer

I became serious about writing when I could no longer find any books that I like.

I know that they always tell you that you have to read a lot to be a good writer, but the truth is, I don’t; not in the traditional sense, anyway. At 14-years-old I found myself slogging my way through the Wheel of Time series, and after four thousand pages I couldn’t take it anymore. I just didn’t like the story.

Something inside of me changed in that moment. I could no longer visit the library with an appetite for anything literary — I wanted something that I could never find: a story that spoke to my soul and resonated with my heart, a story that I could feel. Fiction  became dry and uninteresting. Unsatisfying.

I realized that those stories I kept hidden in notebooks could be more than a secret indulgence. They could fill the empty spot I felt so keenly in the literary world.

I still occasionally read novels — often as the mental equivalent of getting the oil changed — though I maintain rather picky standards about what I’ll put into my brain. More often than not, I fill my free moments with hobbies that have nothing to do with books at all.

I find that a good hour of sewing leaves me charged with more energy for writing than reading ever did.

Fade to White

Fade to White Chapter 24

Fade to White

Chapter Twenty Four

Every beat of her heart sent pain pulsing through her head, and Tryne groaned as her senses returned to her. Soft silk sheets rubbed against the skin of her arms, but the cords that bound her wrists together were hard and stiff.

“Good morning darling,” a male voice spoke, “or rather, I should say good evening.”

Opening her eyes, Tryne found that her vision was blurry and that she could see double of everything. The effect was nauseating and Tryne’s stomach churned, filling her mouth with bile. Closing her eyes again, she sunk back into the mattress, and after a moment, the feeling passed. Blinking and looking around, Tryne’s gaze settled on Nosaj sitting in an arm chair across the room polishing his sword, and her heart dropped.

Glancing at her, Nosaj chuckled. “Don’t worry my dear. I haven’t touched you at all.”

“What do you want with me?”

“In time you’ll know exactly what my intentions are.”

A lump rose up in Tryne’s throat and she forced it down with a swallow, then began wriggling her arms to get her hands free.

“I’m sorry I tied you up, but . . .” Nosaj tapped at the red lines on his face. “You’re a scratcher.”

“You deserve more than that for what you did to my mom!”

“Ah yes, that woman. What was her name again?”

“Alara, you swine.”

“I hope you realize that I did what I had to do. I felt so betrayed by her for deceiving me. All this time I thought she was running a business and helping out the economy, but then I find out that she was really a leader in a terrorist group. What’s more, she hid the fact that she had a beautiful daughter as well.”

“We are not a terrorist group! We are fighting against a corrupt dictator and working for the betterment of everyone’s lives.”

“Is that how you see it? Tell me, are my taxes too high? Is my justice system unfair?”

Tryne hesitated for a moment, before her answer came to her. “No one is allowed to speak what’s on their mind. Any person who speaks a word against you is thrown into jail for treason, and you have even gone so far as to destroy an entire village. Those are not the signs of a benevolent ruler!”

“Ooo, preachy.” Nosaj chuckled. “You must understand, my sweet, that there are actions a leader is sometimes forced to take in order to maintain peace among his subjects. Don’t you agree with me that there will always be people who are upset at the government, no matter what?”

Biting her lip, Tryne shook her head. “That does not justify what you have done.”

“I beg you to forgive me for changing the topic, but this is simply driving me crazy with curiosity. How did you manage to seduce Jerek? All his life he has never once shown any interest or desire in the amorous aspects of life, and now suddenly he’s supposedly in love.”

“I didn’t seduce him.”

“Oh, surely you did! You have accomplished in a week what our beloved Ramo had been trying to do for a couple years now. How did you do it?”

“I didn’t do anything! It just happened!”

“Tsk tsk, my dear. You aren’t going to give me a real answer? I’m disappointed.”

“Go burn in Hell. It isn’t even any of your business.”

Chuckling, Nosaj got up and crossed the room, grabbing Tryne’s chin with his hand and tilting her head to look into her eyes. “I think I understand a little now. It’s not that Jerek didn’t have in interest in sex at all, but instead his turn ons were different from the average man’s. I should have realized that sooner, since after all Jerek is far from being average.”

Glaring at Nosaj, Tryne recoiled away from him as he sat down on the bed next to her.

“Would you like me to tell you a story?” he said. “Well, even if you don’t I still want to tell it anyway. It’s my favorite story, after all. Twenty years ago I heard rumor about a young boy who had been born with hair as white as a cloud on a sunny day, and eyes that couldn’t decide which color to be so they were every color at once. I was intrigued. Did such a boy really exist? I wondered.

“I decided to personally investigate as an idea formed in my mind. If I could indeed find this boy, then he would make an excellent heir to rule over the Twelve Villages. He would be fearsome and mysterious, an enigma to all of his subjects and perfect in his unusual appearance as a ruler. I became enamored with the idea. I had to find that boy. Then finally, in the Garnet Village, I did. I regret to say that his parents wouldn’t give him up to me and I was forced to burn down their house with them inside, but I finally had my boy and I could start watching as my dream unfolded. Everything I have done with Jerek, my dear, has led up to this moment.”

“What do you mean?”

“Where would all the romance of the story be if I didn’t die? In order to pass on to becoming the perfect ruler, Jerek must slay me first. Only then will my vision be complete.”

“You’re insane!”

“Yes, quite so.” Nosaj chuckled.

“And what did you want with me?”

Sweeping a lock of Tryne’s hair behind her ear, Nosaj patted her cheek. “I was going to rape you of course, but instead you got me story telling.”

Tryne jumped back away from Nosaj, falling onto the floor and scrambling to get to her knees. “Don’t you dare! I swear to God I will hurt you if you try!” she exclaimed as she began straining her hands at the ropes again.

Laughing, Nosaj stepped down and reached toward Tryne, but she snapped her teeth at his hand and he pulled away. “You have nothing to worry about, my dear. In light of once again vividly remembering my ambition, it seems that violating the girl Jerek loves would only corrupt the perfect story. Instead, we will wait here for him to arrive, and you will witness the events that take place, knowing that this was how I longed for it to be.”

“But what if after you die, Jerek decides he doesn’t want to be Commander and King?”

“Yes, I have considered that possibility, and at first it greatly perturbed me. But then I remembered the little rebel terrorist group that you belong to. He’d have two choices, either fight them or join them. Fighting them he’d be forced to take up my former position, and joining them they would regard him as a sort of savior and elect him to be their leader.”

“We already have leaders, that’s not going to happen.”

“Leaders like you?”

Tryne paused, pressing her lips together before replying, “Yes.”

Her answer made Nosaj laugh. “Just like your mother was?”

“I took over her old position.”

“Your mother was a pseudo leader.”

Blinking in surprise, Tryne mouthed to word “How.”

“She wasn’t in the loop, so to speak. She could barely answer my questions, and there were times she was blatantly lying. There’s a reason why I’m the Commander and King.”

“There’s a reason why our resistance group has existed for so long too.”

“I know. I have the nerve to collect taxes for the sole purpose of keeping the kingdom running. Bad me!”

“You destroy your own villages.”

“And this is where we come full circle.” Nosaj walked over and sat down in the chair, picking up his sword and starting to polish it again. “We don’t know how long it will be before Jerek comes, so if you feel inclined to take a nap go ahead and do so.”

Tryne glared at Nosaj as she leveraged herself to her feet then sat down on the edge of the bed. She felt confused. Nosaj didn’t seem to be the pure evil man she had always believed he was.

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Fade to White chapter 23

Fade to White

Chapter Twenty Three

“Jerek, wake up.”

Slowly Jerek opened his eyes. His head hurt with a deep throbbing pain that nearly blinded him, and he had to blink his eyes a few times before he could get them to focus. “Uhhn,” he moaned, sitting up and putting his hand to his head.

“What happened?” Ken asked, grabbing hold of Jerek’s shoulders.

“Nosaj . . . was here.” Jerek gritted his teeth, then suddenly pushed himself up to his feet. “He took Tryne!”

“Sit down, don’t strain yourself.” Ken pushed Jerek back onto the ground, then sat cross-legged on the grass facing Jerek. “We don’t even know if she’s still alive, Nosaj could have killed her already.”

“No, she has to still be alive. Nosaj carried her himself . . . he won’t touch a dead body that much,” Jerek muttered. “We have to go get Tryne back. I need you to help me get her.”

“I’d like to.” Ken looked down sadly. “But I can’t. I can’t help you at all.”

“What?” Jerek looked surprised, creasing his brow in a frown.

“I can’t do anything for her now.”

“Why not? Don’t you care about her at all?”

“It’s not that!” Ken shouted, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut. “I’ve cared for her for longer and deeper than you know. There’s nothing I would like more than to rush to Nosaj’s castle and bring her back, but I can’t do that. Like Tryne, my life is tied to the resistance group.”

“Like Tryne?”

“This is Tryne’s whole purpose in the resistance group.”

“I thought she was the leader,” Jerek said, confused.

“No, that’s just what we call the position to throw people off. Tryne wasn’t a leader at all, but instead probably the least informed member of the entire group.” Ken jumped up to his feet, turning and taking a few steps away. “She was our scapegoat,” he whispered.

“What?!”

“Her mother was too, that’s why when the soldiers started harassing me and threatening to kill me in the village that day, she jumped forward and claimed to be the leader of the resistance group. That’s why I had to let them take her and kill her. Don’t you understand? I didn’t want Tryne to take this position, but she did anyway! I can’t save her because it could endanger the organization!”

“I can’t believe this,” Jerek murmured, getting up on his feet and wobbling slightly. “No wonder your group has been around for so long, you put the survival of the organization over the lives of its individual members.”

“I’m sorry, but it was established that way a long time ago. Please, save Tryne, make sure that she’s safe.”

“Don’t think you can gain glory through me by telling me to save her,” Jerek grumbled, then turning around in a circle, he scanned the area around him. “Where’s my horse?”

“They must’ve taken it with them.”

“Damn,” Jerek cursed, then walked to Ken’s horse and mounted up into the saddle. “I’m taking yours.”

“Where do you think you’re running off to so quickly?” Ken chuckled slightly. Frowning, Jerek looked at him but paused to listen. “You don’t even have a weapon.”

“I can find one when I get there.”

“Wouldn’t it be much easier to take one with you?” Stepping to the cottage, Ken pushed the door open. “Come inside.”

“Tryne doesn’t have any weapons. Do you expect me to hit people with a broken spoon or something?”

Kneeling down on the floor, Ken reached under Tryne’s bed and first pulled out a bag, then Jerek’s sword. “I expect you to use this.”

“What the . . .” Jerek picked up his sword, drawing his fingers along the scabbard. “I left this at the castle.”

“According to Tryne, some guy brought it here along with your clothes while you were asleep.”

“But why would she hide it from me?”

“Maybe because she really wanted to see you wear black?” Ken smiled, shaking his head. “I think she was jealous of the guy who brought it here, since she got weird vibes from him.”

“It had to have been Ramo,” Jerek muttered, reaching into the bag and pulling out one of his shirts then looking down at his black sleeve. He decided against changing shirts, opting for letting the symbolism of his new clothes show through. “Don’t tell Tryne,” he said out loud, “but she has practically every reason to be jealous of Ramo.”

“Too much information, bud.”

Narrowing his eyes at Ken, Jerek slowly said, “Are there any other secrets you want to reveal to me before I leave?”

“No, that was it. Good luck.”

“Are you sure you can’t provide any back up for me?”

“I wish I could.”

“You’re making this hard for me on purpose,” Jerek grunted, strapping his sword onto his belt, then going outside to remount the horse. “I’ll be back,” he yelled, galloping into the forest toward Nosaj’s castle.

Fade to White

Fade to White chapter 21

Fade to White

Chapter Twenty One

Tryne was already up and fixing breakfast when Jerek was awakened by the sun sneaking in through the window and shining on his face. It was still too early for his liking. Sitting up, Jerek could instantly feel the stiffness in his muscles and the soreness in his back. Rotating both of his shoulders then pulling his arms forward across his chest, he asked, “What are you making?”

“Pancakes and scrambled eggs. Don’t eat too much though, Ken’s going to be back here soon and I want there to be enough for him,” Tryne replied.

“Ken’s coming back?” Jerek scowled.

“I thought the two of you got along quite well last night. Why wouldn’t you be happy to see him now?” Tryne curiously looked over her shoulder at Jerek, bringing up the spoon she was using to stir the pancake batter with and unconsciously pointing it at her face.

“We have a common goal, that’s all. That doesn’t mean I have to like him.” Jerek stood up. “I’m going outside.”

“Don’t wander off too far. I’m almost finished with breakfast.” Tryne turned her head back to the stove, but hit her cheek with the spoon, smearing batter across her face. Squeezing her eyes shut, she wiped a gob off of her face then transferred it to her apron. “Smooth,” she muttered, wiping her face again.

“Graceful too,” Jerek added, turning Tryne’s head toward him and using his finger to swipe a spot of batter, then stuck it in his mouth.

“Don’t try and get all kinky with me, it won’t work.” With false indignation Tryne turned back to the stove and pushed the spoon back into the batter.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Jerek waved his hand, turning around and walking out the door.

The morning air felt cool against his shoulders and the skin of his back that wasn’t covered by bandages, and in the distant trees he could hear the birds chirping happily as the wind moved through the leaves in gentle pulses. Stretching his arm above his head, Jerek set out on a leisurely stroll. He loved this lifestyle, quite a lot. He enjoyed the freedom to walk around outside as he pleased, and he liked listening to the soothing sounds of nature. It was hard for him to imagine that he had lived so long in the darkness of the castle, only venturing outside when he was on a mission or stealing time to ride his horse for a couple hours. This was how life was supposed to be.

“Hello there!” a voice called clearly across the breeze, and Jerek turned to see Ken riding on his horse.

“You’re early.”

“Don’t act so happy to see me. Is Tryne inside?” Ken dismounted, readjusting the bag he had slung over his back.

“Yes.”

“Breakfast!” Tryne yelled, stepping outside of the cottage. “Oh Ken, you’re here! Come inside, you’re just in time to eat.”

“Delightful!” Ken answered back, pushing past Jerek and handing off his horse’s reigns to him as well, before stepping inside.

Jerek looked at the painted mare, whose glossy eyes stared back at him. “You don’t like him either, huh?” Jerek whispered to it, stroking its nose before leading it to the post near the cottage and tying it up next to his own horse. “Be nice,” Jerek directed at his horse, “we have a common enemy.”

Stepping inside, he saw Ken already seated on the edge of his bed with a plate piled high with pancakes and eggs. Jerek picked up his own place, and put a couple pancakes on it.

“I think you’ll be happy to see that I have brought a few things back from town with me,” Ken said, putting his concentration to getting a piece of egg to stick on his fork.

“What? I didn’t need anything from town.”

“You’re only walking around shirtless exposing your tattoo for all the world to see,” Tryne interjected, sitting down with her own breakfast.

“Does it offend you?” Jerek asked, watching her.

“No, it’s just . . . It’s a little strange to see it on you, that’s all.” Tryne avoided meeting his eyes.

“So she asked me to bring back some clothes for you, and out of the kindness of my heart, I did. They’re in the bag.” Ken tilted his head in the direction to where he had set the bag down. Jerek went over to it and opened it up, pulling out a dark red shirt, then a black one.

“I told you, I only wear white.”

“I want to see you in those colors. Come on, just live with it. I’m sure you’ll get used to them.”

“You’ll get used to it all right. Tryne has a way of getting everyone to do everything she wants.” Ken laughed.

“I’ve noticed,” Jerek growled. Dropping the black one to the floor, he pulled the red shirt over his head and looked down at it, unsure of what to make of it.

“You look good,” Tryne commented, smiling.

Shrugging his shoulders, Jerek sat down and began eating again. “So what are the plans?” he asked.

“I was kind of hoping that you could tell me what they were,” Ken replied. “How is your standing with Nosaj?”

“Shaky.”

“Can you still get close to him without suspicion?”

“Probably.”

“Then we’ll go for an assassination. All you would have to do is go into the castle, walk right up to Nosaj, and stab him.”

“How would I get back out of the castle? What would you do if the government didn’t collapse with his death, and someone else took over?”

“You could . . . I don’t really know. We’re still in the planning stages, so it doesn’t need to be solid yet.”

“I can see why your resistance group hasn’t overthrown Nosaj yet.” Jerek shook his head, smirking to himself. “All you know how to do is survive, but you don’t have a clue when it comes to accomplishing your goal. That’s the difference between us.”

“Then teach me, how do we accomplish this?”

“We attack. All the resistance and boycotts your group has been pulling hasn’t achieved a thing. You can’t continue with those tactics. What you need to do is directly attack Nosaj’s castle. Storm inside, kill everyone there.”

“That’s dangerous.”

“Everything worth having is worth fighting for. Do you want to be free of Nosaj?”

“Yes.”

“Then you’ll fight. You need to round up everyone you can who is willing to, and that means women as well as the men.”

“This sounds more like an act of desperation.”

“Maybe it is, but it’s the only thing that will have any sort of effect. Nosaj’s castle isn’t as guarded as you may think. Most of his soldiers are currently in Amber and Opal. At the very least, you’ll send him the message that you mean business.”

Ken nodded. “When should I round people up?”

“A couple days from now. But first I really need to rest up, then I’ll head back to the castle so Nosaj doesn’t suspect I’m up to something. To throw him off even further, I’ll confess to him that I’ve fallen for a girl and that’s where I’ve been disappearing to. He won’t be suspicious.”

“You’re going to tell him the truth?” Tryne inquired.

“Isn’t that the best way to deceive someone?” Jerek chuckled.

“All right, tonight I’ll send word out for every single rebel group member to meet here and prepare for battle. In a couple days we’ll finally overthrow Nosaj.” Ken raised his fist, glory burning in his eyes. “This is what we’ve all been waiting for!”

“Waiting never accomplishes anything.” Jerek stood up, putting his empty plate down on the stove. “I’m going to continue my walk, and think about the best tactics for storming the castle. You stay here,” he pointed to Tryne, then over at Ken, “and you, remember that she’s mine. I don’t trust you around her anymore.”

Ken seemed surprised. “Did she tell you that we were . . . ?”

“No, I haven’t,” Tryne interrupted. “It slipped my mind. It’s so unimportant.”

Frowning, Jerek looked suspiciously at them but didn’t ask any questions, silently going out the door.

“Don’t want him to know, huh?” Ken rested his chin in his hand.

“No, it just doesn’t seem necessary to tell him. It would just raise questions and result in awkward explanations, and you don’t want to hear me proclaiming that I never wanted to go through with it. It’s just easier this way, right?”

“I guess so. What about the other thing? Are you ever going to tell him about that?”

“I don’t know, not right now.”

“It’s unusual for you to act like this.”

“I know, it’s just that there was something about that guy that made me feel horribly insecure about my relationship with Jerek. It’s weird, but I feel that way.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t ever say a thing.” Ken pulled his fingers across his lips. “It’s sealed shut.”

“Thank you.”

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Fade to White Chapter 19

Fade to White

Chapter Nineteen

Bright warm sun shone down on the roof of the quiet cottage while the birds chirped in the trees, giving the illusion that Ramo had stumbled across an abandoned magical hideaway. If he hadn’t known otherwise, he would have been tempted to wander into the building to look around and to find out if the place was really as pristine and quiet as it looked. It was important that he put Jerek’s bag somewhere that it could easily be found, to prevent it from getting lost and never reaching Jerek at all. That meant close to the house.

Dismounting his horse and holding tightly to the shoulder strap of the bag, Ramo skulked around, cautiously making his way closer to the front door. Everything remained completely quiet, and when he reached the front door and put the sack down onto the ground, he relaxed his shoulders. Next was the sword. Jerek would be furious if he didn’t properly take care of it, so Ramo undid it from his belt and carefully reached over to prop it up against the outside wall. The front door swung open, causing Ramo to stumble backwards and fall down.

That girl was there, standing stunned as she stared down at him. In one of her hands was a bucket, while her other hand still rested on the door. Scrambling backwards, Ramo started to pick himself up with the intent of running, but she said “wait,” and he felt compelled to stop.

“Who are you?” she asked, frowning at him as she took in his black clothes and gloomy appearance.

“Nobody,” Ramo replied, standing up and dusting himself off before turning around to walk back to his horse.

“Did you bring these?” she inquired, stepping outside and picking up the bag, opening it enough to peer inside.

“Make sure that Jerek gets them.”

“Are you Jerek’s friend?” She pulled the door shut, taking a couple steps closer to Ramo.

Looking over his shoulder at her, Ramo replied, “We grew up together.”

“Really?” She smiled, then seemed to realize something that made her pull back slightly. “You’re with Nosaj, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then why haven’t you tried to kill me yet?”

“I’m not . . .” Ramo trailed off, wondering how he should explain it. “I’m not a fighter, and I’m not supposed to be here.”

“People who work for Nosaj are more complicated than I originally thought. Last month I could have sworn to you that all of Nosaj’s minions were blood thirsty murderers who destroyed everything they could, and now I’ve met two of you that break out of that stereotype. What’s up with that?” She laughed slightly.

“I’m Jerek’s best friend,” Ramo blurted out. “I would never do anything to hurt Jerek, and I would never shove away from me no matter what he did.”

Her face grew serious after he said that, and she looked sadly at the ground. “I’m glad that Jerek has a friend like you.”

“I’m just here to help him out. That’s all.”

“Thank you, I’m sure Jerek will appreciate it.”

Curiosity got the better of Ramo, so he casually asked, “How’s he doing?”

“He’s sleeping right now. I just barely finished bandaging up his back, and it looks like he’ll be fine in a couple days. It’s horrible how he was whipped like that, he must have been in a lot of pain.”

“I tried to get him to fight his punishment, but he refused to . . . He said he deserved it.”

“Oh dear.” She put her hand up to her forehead. “That’s probably my fault.”

“Yes it was your fault!” Ramo started fuming, glaring at her. “He didn’t deserve it, but he was hurt because of you.”

She didn’t reply, turning around and picking up Jerek’s sword as well. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, pushing the door open.

“Don’t tell Jerek!” Ramo said before dashing off.

That girl was most definitely a siren, Ramo was sure of that. There was some undefinable characteristic about her that made him want to like her, yet at the same time hate her all the more for using that power in such an evil and manipulative way. Poor Jerek, he had been ensnared by that girl’s enchantment and he was convinced that he loved her, but at the same time Ramo did trust Jerek with her, at least physically. She wouldn’t kill him. She didn’t seem like she was capable of actually harming someone, instead she seemed to be more of the type to use psychological warfare.

Mounting his brown horse, Ramo reaffirmed his conviction in his mind that they needed to get rid of the girl for Jerek’s own good, though he knew now that Jerek would resist and be devastated when it happened. Ramo would be there for him though, to help him pick up the pieces and move on. Perhaps, Jerek would choose to move on with him. Ramo giggled. Yes, that was going to happen. Everything would turn out okay, as long as he trusted in the Commander and stood there for Jerek, no matter what Jerek did or said. Nosaj would help him to win Jerek back.

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Muse

Aww how cute!

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I’m such a sucker for beauty/beast pairings.