About Me

Just Randomness

The other day, my husband asked me, “What are you thinking about?”

I answered, “It would be fun to write a companion novella for Alice and the Warden, that’s collection of letters written by Damon while he’s in prison, to show how he evolves as a person before he finally meets his daughter when she’s all grown up.”

“This story has got you good,” my husband replied.


I think that I should devote more time to writing every day.

About Me

Knitting Patterns

My baby is teething. And I am so tired.

I’m one of those excessively creative sorts, and writing is just *one* of the things I do — since it’s my favorite, it’s the one I blog about. Ostensibly. Since I’m not particularly ‘plugged in,’ I usually work on some sort of yarn project when most others are on their phones. I know that this is an obsolete thing to say now, but once upon a time I used to be the only mom at the playground who wasn’t glued to a screen. You know, back when the world still existed.

Sometimes I think everything really did end back in 2012, and we just didn’t realize it at the time.

Don’t mind me … I’m not getting enough sleep.

So, one of my other dreams is to publish crochet and knitting patterns. I’ve already made a few of my own designs, too.

The problem comes with writing them down. Following a knitting pattern is one thing, but writing one is agonizingly boring. Then, of course, in order to make them more commercially friendly, you need to work out different sizes, as well as gauge. I’ve always found it much easier to simply hand the sweater/scarf/hat over to whichever child I made it for, for them to promptly lose in a giant mess of laundry, never to be seen again.

Then I tell myself that since I can’t take a picture anyway, there’s no point in writing down the pattern.

But I still think that I would like to come up with designs that are based on the stories I write. Like, “Alicia’s baby booties,” or “Gertie’s shawl.” It would be a fun way to share this magical world of mine outside of the stories.

So, I’ve decided that one of my 2021 goals is to design and publish at least one knitting pattern for Alice and the Warden.

Here’s hoping I actually make that happen?

I’m currently knitting socks for my 8-year-old.

About Me

Introversion

I’m very introverted, and sometimes the ability to socialize just isn’t there. Not only am I unable to think of anything to say, I don’t have the energy to listen/read what anyone else has to say either, and I don’t even want to deal with anyone online or through texts. My husband occasionally teases me that if I were any more introverted, I’d be nonfunctional in society.

When I first became a mother, I worried about how I was going to raise and homeschool my children without going crazy. Being an introvert, my social circle is very small. I am also the black sheep of my extended family, so they’ve been a non-factor in my life (which is my polite way of saying I have zero contact with most of my relatives). Babysitting is not easy to come by, especially because I’m extremely distrustful of leaving my children with people I don’t know very well.

It took some time, but I found my zen.

Which wound up leaving me well positioned for the lockdowns.

While others are sobbing for a break from their children, I already have the routine and boundaries in place for me to thrive. Bonus: As an introvert, I don’t require much interaction with others.

What I had initially feared would be a weakness, turned out to be a strength.

Obviously, what works for me probably isn’t going to work for most other people, because my form of recharging involves going inside my own head (usually to explore story ideas), but my advice is:

Honestly, I don’t enjoy giving advice; I couldn’t care less what you do. It’s mostly that I’ve seen some people having nervous breakdowns, and thought to myself, “Phew, glad I’m not like that.” I want to share my personal thoughts more, but I worry too much about hurting other people’s feelings. I’m not trying to rub it in.

But seriously, I really don’t care what you do or don’t do. It’s your life, and if you want to have a nervous breakdown and wallow in depression, go right ahead. All power to you.

About Me

2021

I’m going to be completely honest and tell you: I fully expect 2021 to be even worse.

You’re welcome.

Here’s the thing: Life isn’t a linear board game. The point isn’t to race to the end while accumulating the most money, and there aren’t any winners in the end.

Poets of the Fall is my favorite band, and the above quote comes from their song, “Love Will Come to You”. The lyrics continue on to say,

Life doesn’t run a clear course
It flows through from within
It’s supposed to take you places and leave markings on your skin

And those marks are just a sign of something true
you witnessed in your time
Of something new, like the start of something fine

Poets of the Fall, Love will Come to You

Life is an adventure. Life is a testament to the strength of the human spirit. Sometimes we are meant to survive the black plague, or huddle in shelters as the cities around us burn, or scrounge for meager scraps of food in the face of starvation. The fact is, life never has been, and never will be, a set course to follow. It requires far too much adaptation and perseverance.

Our ancestors were strong AF, and they passed that strength on to us. If you’re worried about your ability to make it through tough times, remember that the gift of strength was already given to you through countless generations that survived hardships we can’t imagine. This is our adventure and our legacy – our moment in history. Embrace it, and pass the gift of strength on to the future.

So yes, I do fully believe that 2021 will be much harder, but I also fully believe that it’s our time to show the Universe what we’re made of.

About Me

2020

A few years ago, a mormon bishop took it upon himself to inform me that my lifestyle was outdated, and that as a woman I needed to apply myself to a career instead of settling for being a simple stay-at-home-mom. He proclaimed this on a Sunday, while wearing a suit, with the authority of God and all that jazz.

And I thought to myself, “Wow, even the mormons don’t like me.”

If it was some sort of attempt at conversion, it had the exact opposite effect — and I’m still very much a stay-at-home mom. I guess the thing that people don’t understand is that I feel an enormous amount of passion about raising my children, and no criticism is going to change that. I’m not going to sell my soul for approval.

The one thing that I did take away from the exchange was that I am alone.

Totally, completely, alone.

I’ve met a lot of women who consider raising kids to be nothing more than a diversion from the ever-so-much-more-important career. Like paychecks are the only things that matter in life.

I’ve lived with the isolation ever since.

But here’s the funny thing about 2020: despite the lockdowns, social distancing, and rampant censorship, the one thing that I’ve learned is that I’m not alone.

There are a lot of people like me.

More than I would have expected, too.

We were just all too scared to say what we really thought before now.

Photo by Rakicevic Nenad on Pexels.com
About Me

Austrian cream cheese bars

I jumped on the baking bandwagon.

I don’t actually know if that’s still a thing, or if people have burnt out on it by now.

But anyway, I’ve been baking WAY more than I used to. For the sweet tooth.

I made Austrian cream cheese bars, and thought that it would be fun to take a picture for the blog.

But before I got around to it, my two-year-old attacked them with a chopstick while I wasn’t looking.

So here you go. Yummy.

They’re supposed to have nuts on top, but I didn’t have any on hand.

About Me

Giving Thanks

The depressing part is, this isn’t the first time my husband and I have tackled making a full-blown Thanksgiving dinner on our own. Heck, we’ve even got it down to an art, too. So, the number one thing that I’m most grateful for is that we have each other and our children.

Pro tip: Make dessert first, a day or two ahead of time. Keep a straw broom handy to chase the children away.

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We’re fostering a kitten, and while I was putting the frozen groceries away, he jumped into the freezer without my noticing and was consequently shut inside. I’m thankful that I heard him yowling while I was putting away the milk, and rescued him quickly — otherwise we would have been in for a very miserable surprise.

Now I get to be super paranoid about the kitten jumping into other appliances.

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Some people I don’t care for have sold their house and are moving out this week … Shh, don’t tell anyone I said that.

About Me

Ramblings

Maybe this is a weird thing to say, but I feel like I’ve been having dreams about 2020 for most of my life.

They were heavily metaphored, of course, so it’s not like I’m having moments of deja vu and declaring myself a precog or anything like that. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I do have this sense of inevitability, like we’re all caught up in a inexorable dance that started a long time ago, and we must follow the steps to the end. Something incomprehensibly bigger than us is happening.

I have an intensely spiritual side to my personality. I know it hasn’t been shining through lately, but it’s still there behind the scenes. Whatever is going on, it very well might change our lives forever.

That said, I entered 2020 with a good feeling about this decade, and I’m sticking to it.