Happy St Patricks Day!
I’m skipping the Irish coffee this year, but we’re still making a hearty cabbage stew.
And pinches for anyone not wearing green!
Category: About Me
Pi Day
It’s kind of funny, but I was introduced to Pi Day through my calculus class. It was a very nerdy little celebration the teacher put on for us students, but it tickled my fancy to no end. Ever since, I’ve always had pie on Pi Day.
At some point, it became popular. Suddenly everyone was going on about “Pie Day,” including several whom I’m pretty certain had no clue what pi was.
And all I could think was, “You’re ruining it.”
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Fiber of the Month – February
Through Paradise Fibers
My phone picked up wildly different lighting with the pictures, and I’m too lazy to act like a professional photographer and care.
The fun part is, I’m now pregnant enough that there are very few activities that don’t result in something starting to ache. I can only sit at my spinning wheel for so long before my back needs a rest. 🙂
I’m including a link to a video on how to spin the bubblegum surprise roving into self-striping yarn. Personally, I like the blended colors better and adore the “candy cane” effect that you get with spinning multiple colors together, but it’s interesting to see how the same roving can be spun in different ways.
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An arm
I was searching for inkle loom designs when this popped up (yeah, I don’t know how the two are supposed to be related either).
It made me laugh, because as a Millennial, I’ve spent my entire adult life joking about how everything costs an arm, a leg, and your firstborn child.
Gosh I wish I could have been so privileged.
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Coffee
The religion I grew up in didn’t permit drinking coffee. We were often told about how it caused all sorts of ills, ranging from cancer to stained teeth, and everyone who loved Jesus should faithfully refrain from even thinking about the devil’s drink.
After I officially left that religion, coffee was one of the first things I tried. I’m not going to lie though — that first cup was a major disappointment.
Thankfully I ended up married to a man who knew a thing or two about coffee snobbery, and he taught me to think better than chain coffee stores. I’ll just say that we started roasting our own beans over a year ago, and there’s no going back. 🙂
Sometimes I like to sit with my hands cupped around my favorite mug, and wonder what’s supposed to be so evil about starting every morning with coffee. Of all the horrible wrongs in the world, why make a big deal out of something so harmless?
I like the ritual of brewing a cup for my husband and myself every morning, and topping them off with a dollop of heavy cream. I like taking the time to meditate as I transition into starting the day, to get myself into the mindset of being up and about. I like how it gently motivates me, without the jitters and sugar crash that comes from sodas.
So far, my teeth haven’t developed any staining.
And let’s be honest: there was no hope for me before I ever tasted my first drop of coffee.
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The Forbidden Chronicles – 2
Once upon a time, I had a best friend.
We called each other ‘soul sisters’. After she moved out of town, we spent most nights chatting on the phone for three hours and saw each other every weekend we could. We got along like a grassfire in July.
Then I chose marriage, and she chose career.
We tried to keep in touch, but after a few years it began to feel heavily one-sided. I was the one to call and text, while she increasingly spent her days off going out and getting plastered. Everything she said about her job sounded horrifying and stressful, and she began developing a number of health problems in her mid-20s. I tried to convince her to move out of the Big City and start over in a friendlier area, but she felt too invested to follow my advice. More and more time passed between conversations, more and more texts went unanswered, and I gave up trying.
I realized the other day that I haven’t heard anything from her in two years. For all I know, she could be dead.
The dark part is, I don’t want to pick up my phone to find out what’s happened with her.
Because I’d rather not know.
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Currently
So … I’m tired.
The last time I had a baby, I took a break from the entire internet. However, since I’ve hardly been around for the last several months anyway, I’ve decided against doing the same thing this time; I’m nicely cloistered from the happenings of the world as it is.
That said, I’m moving into Spring cleaning mode and nesting instincts at the same time — I want to air out the house and prepare for a new baby, and I can only manage so much in the day with a giant parasite growing inside me. XD
On top of that, I already have two birthdays happening inside my “full term” window, so it’s going to be fun. What can I say? I just love chaos. Keeps life interesting.
Even though I’m not officially on break, I’m not going to be around much either. Probably even less than I already have been.
Because I’ve got a lot going on at the moment.
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The Importance of Ritual In Childbirth
I haven’t been writing about this much, but I’m currently in the third trimester with baby #6. I’ve given birth naturally to all of them, with the exception of the first — through an unfortunate turn of events, I got to learn firsthand that epidurals don’t always work with blocking pain, but they’ll still leave you paralyzed from the waist down. Lucky me!
I don’t really fancy myself as having a higher pain tolerance than others. I’m not remotely the sort that peacefully breathes the baby out either. Heck, I firmly believe that anyone who tries to tell you not to scream while giving birth needs to be promptly cut out of your social circle for good. Go ahead and scream, cry, punch the man responsible, and whatever else you have to do to get through it. Just remember: you are strong enough.
In the homebirth community, it’s common to spend time preparing yourself for labor. Women who are more socially-oriented than I am like to hold blessingways. Instead of bringing gifts for the new baby, invited guests bring positive birth stories and affirmations to bolster the expectant mother through labor, and it’s a wonderful way to come together and support each other in sisterhood.
But I don’t do that, ha ha.
I’m pretty high on the introverted scale, so I prefer quiet introspection over parties with henna tattoos. This isn’t the sort of thing that I want to go into while feeling drained from socializing.
For me, making a “costume” for labor is important. I even plan out which color I’m going to paint my toenails, and how I’m going to style my hair, in addition to what I’ll be wearing. That way, instead of feeling like a tired mom who’s first contraction hit while heating up hotdogs for lunch (true story), I can quickly transition myself into a beautiful Goddess in the process of Creation.
Mindset matters.
Rituals are important tools in influencing mindset. They can be as simple as lighting a candle, or as elaborate as you can imagine. The important part is to establish what you are setting out to do.
And when you’re on the verge of popping out a watermelon, having a firm idea of why you’re doing it helps enormously.
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Wind
Windy last night.
It wasn’t destructively strong, but it was the sort of wind that howls and blows ice straight into your bones.
I can’t sleep when it’s windy. I always end up wide awake, listening to every gust, and wondering how long it will take for morning to come. For some reason, I get the mental image of giants outside …
We ended up with the one-year-old in our bed, and the four older children camped out together in one of their bedrooms. The wind bothered them, too.
I couldn’t help but think about how lucky we are, that no one has to be alone when they’re scared.
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CR1515 – 1
I’ve cut out the more explicit content, which also happens to include pivotal parts of the story. Deal with it.
The first chapter is mostly the same as what I posted before, with few changes.
Aurora’s eyes closed, and for a moment she drifted off before she snapped herself back into consciousness. The horizon was growing lighter, and he still hadn’t appeared. While she was doing her best to maintain the vigil, it was difficult to feel a sense of urgency when their fate rested on someone who was now hours late.
“He’s not coming,” Talon murmured, closing his hand around Aurora’s. His skin felt burning hot over hers, so she snuggled up against his side to soak in his warmth.
“He has to,” she replied quietly.
“As soon as the first sun rays appear, we’re out of time.” Talon motioned to the frozen 12-foot mecha that stood some yards away, still poised in mid-attack. “The artifacts won’t hold it after daybreak.”
“He’ll be here,” Aurora weakly insisted. “He’s the only one who can stop it.”
“We need to leave before we get killed.” Talon stood then pulled on her. “Come on.”
“But what about the artifacts?”
“They’ll probably be destroyed. We’ll have to worry about that later.”
Aurora reluctantly followed Talon, but she couldn’t stop herself from looking back. Recovering the three artifacts had been a long and difficult process, and so had been activating them to imprison the mecha in a force field. The thought of being abandoned by CR1515 at the last minute was too much to bear.
“Let’s go find him,” she suggested hopefully.
“If Robot Boy was coming, he would have been here hours ago,” Talon snapped.
“The Gate isn’t far from here. Let’s go see if we can contact him, at the very least.” Aurora hated the thought of giving up, and even though she knew her idea sounded silly and irrational, it was far better than doing nothing.
“You go then, if it will make you happy. I need to tell the others what’s happened.” Talon stopped and turned to Aurora, put his arms around her waist, then lightly pecked her lips. “Don’t risk waiting around, though,” he whispered. “If he doesn’t answer in two minutes, get underground.”
“I promise I will.” Aurora closed her eyes as they kissed farewell again, then continued on to the Gate alone. She approached the metal door, standing in the middle of an empty lot free from any buildings or walls, and pushed the small button next to it. Silently, she began to count the seconds, feeling the weight of fatigue build with every number.
At 64, the door swung open.
She hesitated, then stepped through.
Aurora was no longer in the empty lot with solid earth beneath her feet. She was inside a large room with monitors and windows on every side, looking out at a dark sky that was speckled with innumerable stars. Her breath caught in her throat at the realization that she was no longer on the planet, but far above it in space.
Metallic footsteps came towards her, and she turned to face CR1515. It hurt to find him home, staring at her with his expressionless face, and she couldn’t stop herself from crying out, “How could you?”
He stopped, and his voice sounded deep with a slight electronic buzz, “Have you never questioned whether or not you are worthy of my help?”
“Aren’t … we?” Aurora was lost for words. The truth was, through all the hard work and sacrifices that they had made to reach their goal, it never once occurred to her to wonder what CR1515 thought of them – she had assumed that he would assist the moment he was needed; he always had in the past.
“I have grown tired of humanity. Save yourselves.” He turned to walk away, but Aurora jumped forward and caught hold of his back, pressing herself against him as she begged,
“Please. Please. We’ve done everything we can, but that mecha is … a lot of people will die if you don’t do something right now!”
“No.” His reply was so flat and blunt, it was like being punched in the chest. Aurora let out a cry of pain, but clung harder to him with increased desperation.
“I swear that I’ll do anything you ask, if only you’ll kill that thing!” she begged.
“You swear?” CR1515’s metal hands pressed down over her wrists, holding her in place with her arms around him.
“I swear!”
“I want what your species takes for granted.” He thrust Aurora’s arms away from him and once again turned to face her. “I want to touch, and to love.”
She stood, numbed by the words, unable to stop the thought, He’s a robot, from repeating itself over and over in her mind. CR1515 possessed the likeness of a human, but he was undoubtedly made of hard metal. How could he touch?
“Will you be mine?” he asked.
“But …” Aurora’s voice faded.
“Those are my terms. If you won’t accept, then begone.”
“…Yes.” Her lower lip trembled, and she wondered if she should try to take back the word despite having said it.
A seam appeared down the center of CR1515’s chest, and Aurora watched disbelievingly as the metal parted and a man of flesh and blood stepped out, with golden skin that gleamed softly. She blushed and turned away, not daring to look at his completely nude form.
“You are shocked,” he intoned, placing his hands on her shoulders. “Your species is the greatest work of engineering to ever grace the universe, with your only major flaw being the softness of your bodies. I was created to utilize your strengths while correcting your weaknesses.”
“Are you actually human?” Aurora asked, then immediately felt stupid for the words. Of course he wasn’t, she chastised herself, but it was difficult to think clearly with a naked man standing next to her.
“I was born one, but ceased to be long ago.” His lips touched her ear. “Give yourself to me.”
“I’m betrothed.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “If you want someone to love, then it should be easy to find …”
“I want you.” CR1515’s fingers lightly brushed her cheek as he turned her around. The undeniably masculine part of him was pressed against her, and she found herself flushing as her heart quickened. “No one else.” He took the end of her long braid and pulled out the tie, then worked his fingers through her hair to loosen it, so that strands flowed freely around her.
“But …”
“You’re running out of time.” His hands found the zipper in the back of her skirt, and once it was undone the fabric readily slipped down to the floor. “You have only 32 minutes until sunrise.”
“But, Talon …” she protested weakly as CR1515 removed her blouse over her head and tossed it aside.
“Then I will stand back, and watch as your kind dies.” Her bra came off next, and he paused to place a hand over one of her exposed breasts. Aurora shivered as goosebumps prickled her skin.
“This isn’t fair.” Tears slipped from her eyes.
“No. It isn’t.” Finally, her panties were stripped from her, leaving her as completely naked as CR1515 was. He held her firmly against him, skin touching skin, as he trailed his fingers along her back and around the curves of her body, tasting her mouth with his own. He picked her up and carried her to another room, where he placed her down on a soft bed and levied himself over her.
“Unlike your species,” he whispered, “I will never take this bliss for granted.”
…
…
Finished, he kissed her then whispered, “I wish I could linger, but I have precisely 15 minutes to destroy your menace. I will return to you shortly afterwards.”
The finality of his words hit hard. Before he disappeared through the door, Aurora sat up and called out, “I’m never going home again, am I.”
He paused. “No. Never again.”
She sank down into the pillows and pulled the blankets around herself, no longer possessing the energy to react. With a heavy breath, she closed her eyes and let the events of the last 24 hours press her down into a deep sleep.
By Autumn Rain 