As fate would have it, I had planned on running away to Wyoming next week, and the kids coming down sick has left me with less time than I had anticipated to stock up on supplies and catch up with the laundry.
So, I’ll be doing IRL preparations instead of getting any bloggy things lined up for when I’m gone.
But you know how it is with those vast expanses of nothing but wind and sagebrush as far as the eye can see. How could I ever resist?
It’s kind of funny, really. When I was young, all I needed was an extra pair of socks and a notebook, and I was good to go anywhere. Now that I’m a mom, I have a long checklist of essentials that includes things like Benadryl, just in case we discover that one of the kids is allergic to bee stings while we’re out of cellphone range — most of it is “just in case,” really.
I’ve been spending my nights fretting and fussing, monitoring fevers and keeping little bodies hydrated. During the day, I’ve been holding sleeping children while attempting to manage the motion controls with playing Skyward Sword (which was conveniently released on the Switch the same day the first fever showed up). And, due to the nature of stomach bugs, I’m simply going to say that I’m very thankful for disposable diapers and the handheld sprayer in the bathtub.
Yes, I know that this isn’t a glamorous aspect of life, but it’s still beautiful in its own way. I can turn away from the daily routine, snuggle up cozy in the chair, and just be with my children.
It’s one of those eerily quiet sorts of evenings. No breeze. No cars. No neighbors. Just stillness.
Sometimes I wonder if this will be how the world ends. Nothing big or obvious, just one day I’ll go outside and discover that most of the other people are gone.
I’ve been pagan for my entire adult life, but I grew up Christian — not only did I go to church every Sunday, I went to the weekday activities too.
My youth group was fond of playing the game, Apples to Apples. For those who have never heard of it, a description card is placed down (eg ‘delicious’), and all the players choose the card from their hand that they think best matches it (eg ‘dessert’, ‘restaurant’, ‘homecooking’). A winner is chosen and they get a point, rinse and repeat.
Everyone else played it straightforward, but I liked to put down the silly cards for the laugh.
I realized very quickly that not only was no one else amused, they couldn’t even tell there was a joke staring right up at them. They were baffled. Why would someone say that kittens are delicious? It didn’t make any sense!
It turned into my private joke. More often then not, I played the ridiculous card, refused to fess up to it, and watched everyone else scratch their heads.
I knew I wasn’t like them.
Every silly card I played affirmed that fact over and over. I waited for the chuckles that never came.
In retrospect, that was one of the earliest things I did to assert myself as an individual.
Honestly, nothing has changed. It doesn’t really matter who I interact with, most of them can’t tell that there’s a joke staring up at them.
But every now and then, when I least expect it, somebody else laughs.
My laptop is seven years old now, which in computer years is, like, ancient.
Its having another round of problems, including the fact that the replacement battery won’t hold a charge anymore, so I’ve been wondering if it’s time to move on.
But laptop shopping is kind of overwhelming. I don’t know what’s supposed to be good these days.
To complicate things, I’ve evolved to using open source software exclusively – though I can’t tell if it’s because I’m a nerd, or just stingy. I’ve gotten kind of sick of the computer second guessing my every move, so I’ve been giving some very serious thought to switching over to Linux.
Ooo look at me! I’m downloading programs off the internet and installing them! That’s like, WAY riskier than having sex without a condom!
…
Just pretend I didn’t say that.
So at the moment, I cant work on any of my current stories.
Awhile ago I started to put together a playlist of some songs that fit the characters from Alice and the Warden, then proceeded to forget entirely about its existence.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
In no particular order:
Rachel Platten – Fight Song ~ Miranda, obvie. She might have a narcissistic bitch streak, but she certainly knows how to get up and keep going.
The Wallflowers – One Headlight ~ Damon, particularly the part where the guy sings, “Sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn.”
Celine Dion – It’s All Coming Back to Me ~ Damon. Not only does the music video have a guy on a motorcycle, it fits Damon’s hidden angst … and it’s a little bit funny to pin this song on him.
Rob Thomas – Pieces ~ Alice and Hackett. It’s a good reflection of how sweet they are together.
Sixx:A.M. – Stars ~ Miranda and Damon. This is what Miranda fantasizes about their relationship. Reality plays out differently.
Slash – Bad Rain ~ Damon. He’s torn up about Alice moving on.
I’ve seen it around writing communities that you should never use “suddenly” or it’s synonyms to describe something happening abruptly — instead you should just jump in and have it happen.
ROCKS FALL AND EVERYONE DIES!!!!111one
…
I strongly disagree.
As a writer, you are telling your story to an audience.
While events might take the characters by surprise, sometimes it’s more polite to refrain from punching the reader in the face with a jarring transition.
Words like, “suddenly,” “unexpectedly,” “abruptly,” etc, slow down the transition into the new event, and make it easier to mentally process. So, when you think that the new event comes on too roughly, go ahead and throw those words in. Don’t let random people on the internet tell you otherwise.
I’m getting the impression that there’s a lot of misinformation floating around about what introversion is, so I’m going to straighten the record here:
Introversion is NOT a mental illness, social anxiety, or social awkwardness.
In broad strokes, introversion and extroversion are about your “mental locus” — are ideas processed inwardly or outwardly.
In application, this means:
Moving through transitions at a slower pace.
My extroverted husband wakes up and jumps right into the day without missing a beat. I prefer to lie in bed for awhile, then move to the couch with a cup of coffee. Once I have finished a satisfactory amount of thinking, then I get up and do stuff.
I also have to work myself up to going to the grocery store, the pool, neighborhood BBQs, returning home — anything that’s a transition from one thing to another. Even with places and activities that I adore.
Taking extra effort to mentally process everything thoroughly.
This is where being drained by social interactions comes into play.
When I talk to people, I listen to not only their words, but also their tone of voice. I pay extra attention to their body language and facial expressions as well, then carefully analyze everything to read into the person as much as possible. The result is that I tend to pick up on subtle clues much earlier than others, but it takes a lot of energy.
With groups, there’s an overwhelming number of things to analyze, so I prefer to check myself into the corner instead. I still talk to individuals who wander over, but I can’t handle THE GROUP as a whole.
New people present a variety of unknowns, so it takes additional energy to figure them out — there’s a definite “warm up” period.
Phone conversations rob me of all the visual cues I use to read people, and are consequently stressful.
Reading people lets me know what I can expect from them, so I’m not abruptly thrust into an unexpected situation without having enough time to process it.
Muted external expressions.
I’m frequently so caught up in my head that I forget to show anything on my face, so I tend to have a blank look most of the time.
I also prefer to simply state, “That makes me mad,” rather than scowling or punching, because I’m not outwardly focused enough to derive any sort of satisfaction from external expressions.
This tends to cause friction with people, because they assume that if something isn’t happening plainly out in the open, then it isn’t happening at all.
And they get weirded out by my glacial stare.
A rich internal world — which is used to forge deep connections with others.
I like my inner world — I like it so much, I write novels about it. For me, writing is far more expressive of my heart and soul than talking is, so it means more to me to have someone read my work than to have someone listen to me talk.
All of the ideas I come across are ultimately used to enrich my internal world, and I’m deeply attracted to people who can provide me with new ideas to work with. I love knowing what people actually think as individuals, and I want to know about their internal world.
And frankly, I’m snobbish enough to prefer my own thoughts over listening to someone recap the latest Disney movie. Uh huh. There’s a dragon. How nice. I could have just read the blurb on IMDB, without expending all of that energy on coming out here and talking to you.
I’d much rather listen to someone gripe about their personal problems, because at least it’s a subject that they’re emotionally attached to.
So, when someone describes themself as “introverted,” don’t assume that means they’re single, depressed, and socially awkward.
I’m actually quite gregarious with mah peeps — the people that I know well and feel comfortable around.
And no, I don’t need to break out of my shell or expand my comfort zone.
By Autumn Rain 