I’ve been watching lots of movies about divorced women lately, and a very common trope is the main character showing bitter jealousy over the ex-husband’s much younger new girlfriend. Reality is … well, different.
For starters, younger does not equal hotter. Instead of bitter jealousy, it’s more of a vague, “Huh, so that’s who you managed to scrape up.” Youth is not threatening, so much of a reminder of what it was like to be naieve, idealistic, and — frankly — easier to control. Snagging a 20-year-old who’s eager for literally any male attention is nowhere near as difficult as winning the affection of a 40-year-old who has learned discernment.
And ho boy the social judgment.
Movies don’t portray what everyone thinks of the ex-husband for dating someone half his age. Outside of the “manosphere” it totally ruins a man’s reputation, and he’s seen as both exploitative and immature.
It might just be the social script, but when a woman’s husband leaves her, there really are a hundred voices ready to chime in with “You’re too beautiful for him. You’re better off without him.” Sincere or not, it does help enormously with emotional processing. A woman isn’t left feeling old and bitter, so much as he becomes a selfish, blind … you-know-what.
Anyway, despite all that I’ve still been enjoying my divorce-themed movies, though I do think that they should end with something other than, “She found a new man.” There is more to life, you know, and strengthening bonds with relatives, neighbors, and friends counts for a lot more than fiction admits.
Being allowed to think, feel, and dream as an individual is pretty good.
By Autumn Rain 